Wow... Sorry guys! I know it's been forever! It's getting harder and harder for me to find the time to update this. I am also having a hard time trying to balance what I want to write with what I want to keep to my self... and also trying not to offend anyone... That can be really hard sometimes... So I will write in hopes not to offend... but I make no promises. I wanted this to be an accurate story of my search so I am going to try and keep it that way...
So be on the look out for more... I have met Jim and the rest of Tarin's family and I have a few pictures from that day to post up here and I will... I promise... I've also been going through some stuff at work and with my health that I will also post up here... so keep your eyes open...
Monday, November 9, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Another Quick Update
Hello again! I am so amazed by how fast and far this blog has gone! I am overwhelmed by the love and support I am getting from my friends, family and people who I still get to meet! When I started this it was just a way for me to remember all this and a way for me to make sure I don't forget anything... I mean yes... I always hoped that people would read it and would like it. But it was never written for that purpose. And I am so amazed that it has been read! :) Now on to the update...
After Sunday and the let down about Jim not coming I did a lot of thinking... At first I felt like I was upset with him... I was very confused about the emails I had been getting from him... they were all short, almost detached emails. I really did not get it... his email to me had very good and valid points. And I was not upset with him for not coming I think I was more confused by the emails and I know I was a lot emotional about all this. But we all know how I love to over analyze things... as does half of my family... and everyone came up with their own reasons and why they thought he wasn't there. I love everyone of them for trying to help but it wasn't working... so I went to the source and emailed him... he asked me to call him so he could explain... I still haven't found the courage to call him... I think I am afraid of the answers I'll get.
I do talk to Danielle almost everyday through texting and myspace emails. I am really enjoying getting to know her... she and I have a lot in common and I know exactly where she and I will fit in to each others lives. Which is a comfort... Can you believe after all this I am still not 100% sure where I fit in?!?!? I am not sure where I fit into Tarin's life and into her family. There is no handbook on any of this stuff! It's kinda making me nuts!
Tuesday was my dad's 73rd birthday! Chris and I went over there for dinner, which was good. :) After dinner my mom, my dad, Chris and I sat and had a long talk about all this. They were telling me how many people that they have sent my blog to and how far it's gone. :) We also talked about where I fit in. I have never felt like I 100% percent fit into my family... I have always felt like the underachiever... I never went to... no wait let me rephrase that... I never finished college... I could never really compare my accomplishments to my older brothers and sister because they were so much older than me. I always looked at my nieces and nephews as the people to "contend" with on the accomplishment level... I have nephews who are going into law and who work for freaking NASA! I have always felt that I was the least accomplished of all of them. I have always felt that when my mom's poker group gets together and compares stories... that I would be the least accomplished. Same thing with my mom's side of the family... Now wait a minute... I know what you are all thinking! No one has ever made me feel this way and no one has ever pressured me about any thing like this. This is just the way I feel and my fears...
And now with Tarin's family I still don't know were I am going to fit in. Tarin and I are going to dinner tonight to talk about things. I missed a lot at the first meeting so this is my chance to catch up on everything I missed and on things I am dying to know!
So keep your eyes out for a new post soon!
Love to you all!
After Sunday and the let down about Jim not coming I did a lot of thinking... At first I felt like I was upset with him... I was very confused about the emails I had been getting from him... they were all short, almost detached emails. I really did not get it... his email to me had very good and valid points. And I was not upset with him for not coming I think I was more confused by the emails and I know I was a lot emotional about all this. But we all know how I love to over analyze things... as does half of my family... and everyone came up with their own reasons and why they thought he wasn't there. I love everyone of them for trying to help but it wasn't working... so I went to the source and emailed him... he asked me to call him so he could explain... I still haven't found the courage to call him... I think I am afraid of the answers I'll get.
I do talk to Danielle almost everyday through texting and myspace emails. I am really enjoying getting to know her... she and I have a lot in common and I know exactly where she and I will fit in to each others lives. Which is a comfort... Can you believe after all this I am still not 100% sure where I fit in?!?!? I am not sure where I fit into Tarin's life and into her family. There is no handbook on any of this stuff! It's kinda making me nuts!
Tuesday was my dad's 73rd birthday! Chris and I went over there for dinner, which was good. :) After dinner my mom, my dad, Chris and I sat and had a long talk about all this. They were telling me how many people that they have sent my blog to and how far it's gone. :) We also talked about where I fit in. I have never felt like I 100% percent fit into my family... I have always felt like the underachiever... I never went to... no wait let me rephrase that... I never finished college... I could never really compare my accomplishments to my older brothers and sister because they were so much older than me. I always looked at my nieces and nephews as the people to "contend" with on the accomplishment level... I have nephews who are going into law and who work for freaking NASA! I have always felt that I was the least accomplished of all of them. I have always felt that when my mom's poker group gets together and compares stories... that I would be the least accomplished. Same thing with my mom's side of the family... Now wait a minute... I know what you are all thinking! No one has ever made me feel this way and no one has ever pressured me about any thing like this. This is just the way I feel and my fears...
And now with Tarin's family I still don't know were I am going to fit in. Tarin and I are going to dinner tonight to talk about things. I missed a lot at the first meeting so this is my chance to catch up on everything I missed and on things I am dying to know!
So keep your eyes out for a new post soon!
Love to you all!
Monday, August 17, 2009
Sunday... Sunday... Sunday...
Ok... we did it... we met! It was sooo much fun and I learned a lot about myself and about where I come from and I got a lot of answers to some of the questions I wanted to know. It created a lot more questions tho... So the story...
I got up at 7am to make sure we had a covered shelter because when I called Community Services they were unable to make a reservation for me because it was not with in 10 days. Which was odd as I was willing to give them money to hold the spot and they did not want it... odd for a city that needs money... huh... So we got there at about 9am... :) They were all open! We walked through all the shelters to find the cleanest one and the nicest one. We stopped on the way there and got doughnuts... yum... and we totally forgot everything else at home... so Chris had to go back home and get our iPod and a sweatshirt cause it was freezing... So I'm sitting there freezing and I get a phone call from Chris... he left the house keys in my purse and had to come all the way back to the park to get them... so he finally got back to park with everything at around ten... Then my mom and dad showed up with the whole house! Marlinda got there around10:45 and so we all sat there and waited... we were all so freaking nervous! I think Mom was more stressed at this time than I was!
So there we sit and I am scanning every car that drives into the park and I see a BMW... Which is Tarin's car... and someone waved at us... well at least we think that they were waving at us... (they were) so the car parks and they all start getting out and I started freaking out... I was nervous and excited all at once... I stood there and watched her walk up the hill and I didn't know what to do... So I hugged her... I like hugs... there were lots of hugs!
See Lots of hugs.. One for Tarin and one for Danielle!We all eventually made the introductions... Me, Mom (Barbara), Dad (Felix), Chris (Boyfriend or Asian as my mom called him), Marlinda (BFF), Tarin (Birth mother), Danielle (22 - Half Sister), Darin (24 - Half Brother), Chelsea (20 almost 21 - Half Sister), Mitchel (her Marine man), Donna (Tarin's Mom) and Mike (the Manny as they called him). So yeah it was a lot of people! Chris procured some "Family Reunion" Buttons from the park for us so we all laughed about it and some even put them on!
Then it was time for pictures! I gave her the scrapbook I made and she pulled out her baby pictures so we could compare! We totally looked a like as babies... :) Some of the pictures were very much the same smile and face... It was an amazing relief to see who I look like and to see where I get my nose... it's always puzzled me! :)
See lots of stories and pictures... There was sooo much going on I kinda missed the adoption story of why and how... I am hoping to just hang out with or go to dinner with Tarin so I can hear everything again... I did get the answer to the one question I wanted to know... She did hold me... she actually demanded to hold me! :) Makes me feel special!
We spent some more time getting to know each other... I found out how the kids found out about me... someone spilled the beans... shoes were thrown... towels were made in the shape of noose's the next day... Then we took more pictures...
It was a great day... I learned a lot about who I am and what went into me and into making the decision to... not give me up or give me away but to bless me with such great adoptive parents... Everything and every choice she made was totally out of love for me and for wanting me to have more. I am so blessed and I am so lucky! I am looking forward to moving ahead and hopefully bonding with them all... I would love to be able to call the girls my sisters and Darin my brother... I am just hesitant to jump in as I know that they are such a close family. You could totally tell from meeting them that they all get along so well and mesh so amazingly... I'll be blessed if I get even a tenth of that meshing with them.
Each new family member I met was unique and wonderful yet in each of them I saw a piece of me... A love for anime, saying what you think no matter what, a great sense of humor, and most of all a loving, caring, motherly, happy soul. I am so lucky for all my Mom has given me as I've grown up because I know that she has brought out the best in me... but I still can't tell what I get from whom when it comes to my personality because they are both such great and loving women. I am luck to have had them both in my life!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Legacy of An Adopted Child
Author Unknown
Once there were two women,
Who barely knew each other.
One is in your heart forever,
The other you’ll call mother.
Two different lives,
Shaped to make yours one.
One became your guiding star,
The other became your sun.
The first gave you life,
And the second taught you how to live it.
The first gave you a need for love,
And the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality,
The other gave you a name.One gave you the seed of talent,
The other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions,
The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile,
The other dried your tears.
One gave you a family,
It was what God intended for her to do.
The other prayed for a child,
And God led her straight to you.
And now you ask me
Through your tears,
The age old question through the years.
Heredity or environment…
Which are you a product of?
Author Unknown
Once there were two women,
Who barely knew each other.
One is in your heart forever,
The other you’ll call mother.
Two different lives,
Shaped to make yours one.
One became your guiding star,
The other became your sun.
The first gave you life,
And the second taught you how to live it.
The first gave you a need for love,
And the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality,
The other gave you a name.One gave you the seed of talent,
The other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions,
The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile,
The other dried your tears.
One gave you a family,
It was what God intended for her to do.
The other prayed for a child,
And God led her straight to you.
And now you ask me
Through your tears,
The age old question through the years.
Heredity or environment…
Which are you a product of?
Neither, my darling… neither,
Just two different kinds of love.
The Catch-Up Blog..
Ok... Haven't had alot of time to write everything down! Ok... I left off with Danielle and I emailing eachother through MySpace... or "SpaceBook" as my dad calls it... It was really nice to get to know her... I know it relaxed me on Sunday!!
I made a scrapbook for Tarin so she could have some pictures of me to take home... I just didn't know what to get someone who gives you an amazing gift that no one else understands! Marlinda and Chris helped me kick butt on it and we were able to get it all done in one night! ;) I tried to post the pictures on here but they aren't working! :( I will keep trying or I will post them to Facebook and insert a link!
On Friday I decided to send out an "easy out" email to both Tarin and Jim... I was kinda feeling that it wasn't going to work for Jim. I sent him the email on the Friday we spoke and I didn't get anything back from him until Monday. I know this sounds normal and ok to most people but I was kinda hurt by it. He was the first person to reach out to me and to make contact when all this happened and to not get a response for a few days was kinda odd. And I know his wife wasn't to keen on this whole thing. So I kinda thought that he might not be wanting or able to meet up with us. The email I sent was very nice...
~~~
Jim,
I am sending this message to Tarin also. I just wanted to let you both know that if for any reason you do not feel comfortable with meeting on Sunday or it's not a good time in your lives there is no hard feelings if you want to cancel the meeting. I do not want to come into your lives and disrupt them, I would like to blend into them. It's not my intention to hurt anyone or cause any kind of distress to your current families. I would love to meet you both and I am hoping that you both will be there.
Thank you, Erin
Tri-City Park - Sunday, 11am
2301 N. Kraemer Blvd Placentia, CA 92870
Where is says reservoir that's right off Kreamer Blvd. We are going to try and get Shelter 1,2,3, or 4. So we will be up at the top of the hill...
~~~~
And I got the response I was expecting but didn't want to hear... he decided not to come... which was ok with me but to tell you the truth I was sad! I was so excited to meet him and to learn about him and his family! So I emailed Danielle and let her know to pass it one to Tarin.
Saturday Night I decided that I needed to go home and be around my family... I feel safe there and I feel comfortable... Chris and I went to my parents house to bake cookies for Sunday and for dinner... it was nice to be there... I felt really relaxed... until dinner... I swear it was like the last supper!
We were all sitting around the table and we're going to pray and Mom decided that it was a hand holding prayer night... so we all hold hands... then she decides that she doesn't want to say grace so she asks my dad too... Which is all cool... My dad may not seem the religious type but he can say a really heartfelt and amazing grace when called upon. So of course by the end of it Mom's crying... We were all making good small talk but I knew that at the back of all our minds was tomorrow and how everything would be different from here on out. No matter how we pretend or how much we try not to change things tomorrow was going to change us all.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
My weekend...
Ok... so where did I leave off... So much has happened this weekend! Soooo much good warm and fuzzy stuff!!
Ok.. Saturday...
After I got up early and wrote my blog, got showered, dressed and ready for the day, I went downstairs and sat outside with Sarah, Dad and Mom... we all talked about how fast this is all moving and when I called Tarin later that afternoon what was I going to say... I honestly don't remember much from my conversation with Jim... So I wanted to make sure I remembered everything from this conversation! Chris called and said he was getting off work early and heading down already... i kinda started to panic... this ment that it was actually going to happen and I was going to make the call!!
So fast forward about an hour... We all arrive at the nursing home to pick up grandma, I'm sitting on her bed and she asks how I'm doing... So I tell her what's been going on and she lights up... She was so happy for me and she was so glad to hear that they were happy about me finding them... it's a good feeling when she's with it and smiling! So when we leave Chris and I go to Ralph's by Aunt Janets and we are getting soda's and beer for Shelly's... I am rounding a corner and don't see the water on the floor and slip... Yes... I fell AGAIN! This time I smacked my right knee, the same one, on the concrete floor! The first thought that goes through my head is "holy F%$# not again!" I was able to get up eventually and we filled out paperwork for it but I was in sooo much pain by the time we got to the car that Chris had to drive... I called my mom and told her what happened... she was concerned as we all know she would be... then I called Marlinda and filled her in on my knee and the blog...
We get to Shelly's and I get showered in Sunscreen, because we all know I do not Tan I burn... Yes I did burn a little! I grab the entire blog, cause I printed it out so my parents can read it... they aren't very up on the internet... :) And i make my way outside and claim a very shaded chair and footstool... I put my leg up and apply ice to my knee which is already swollen... :( So I'm sitting there and one by one as the people get there I fill them in on very little... usually only saying I got 2 very interesting phone calls...
So Shelly's asks to hear the story, then Aunt Janet, Then Denise, then Susan, then grandma... so we decide I will tell everyone... So Aunt Janet sits down next to me and asks about the Blogs, so I pass them on to her, then susan starts reading them, then her husband Bob, then Shelly... Pretty soon we're all sitting in a circle reading these blogs. I have to say tho... It was kinda cool to have everyone reading what I had written and they actually liked it! Bob said it was really good and my dad thinks I should publish it... not to sure about the last one... But still felt good... :)
So finally everyone get's done reading and I give them the shortened version of the calls and the highlights... my mom interjects her comments and feelings... Then I mention the emails that I was sending to Danielle through myspace in which I told her that I would call Saturday after 5... Of course everyone looks at the clock and their watches and I kid you not it was 4:58.... Everyone got all excited and started asking me what I was going to say, where was I going to call, who was going to sit with me and so on! I got sooo freaking nervous... I do not do well under pressure sometimes so I went inside under the gise of having to potty and I started crying... Thankfully Chris was inside also and he held me while I cried... They were good tears... they were tears of nerves and tears of being afraid she'd hate me when she got me on the phone!
So I paced the house for a while and then decided it was time... As Kevin told me... it's like a bandaid just rip it off... get it over with... I think the build up was what was making me panic... So I called mom and dad over and I sat on the last Chair on Shelly's porch by the swing... it was the place furthest from the kiddies and the most peaceful and I dialed...
My hands were shaking so bad... I don't even remember the conversation... again... I do remember she wanted me to thank my parents... I cried... then she asked if I was left handed or right handed... I cried... I also found out that my gray patch is from her... along with my thick hair, eyes and nose... It was an amazing conversation filled with love, discovery and warmth... I know in my heart that she made the right choice and that we are both amazing women because of it all...
Then we made plans to meet... this sunday the 16th! I've spent alot of time thinking about this and everything... I am so excited...
Then when I get abck to Aunt Janet's I check my myspace... or spacebook as dad called it... and I have a message from Danielle... she's my little half sister... :) and we have been emailing eachother every day... many times a day getting to know eachother and finding out that there is so much that we have in common... like our cars were stolen ;), our love of Dirty Dancing, the reading bug, the Erin Bear, theater, our love of disneyland and so much more!
I am so excited for Sunday... I also found out that Jim is going to be there also... I wonder if he's bringing his kids... It would be nice to meet them! I am so happy that I am going to meet everyone! :)
Ok... Off to a Exec Meeting for the Chamber... Got alot to plan with the Golf Tournament Next week and my Rubio's Dine-In... :) For those interested... I went to PT today and was told I had to see my regular Dr to get new x-rays on the knee... they can't legally treat me for the sprain without making sure I didn't damage it further on saturday! :(
Ok.. Saturday...
After I got up early and wrote my blog, got showered, dressed and ready for the day, I went downstairs and sat outside with Sarah, Dad and Mom... we all talked about how fast this is all moving and when I called Tarin later that afternoon what was I going to say... I honestly don't remember much from my conversation with Jim... So I wanted to make sure I remembered everything from this conversation! Chris called and said he was getting off work early and heading down already... i kinda started to panic... this ment that it was actually going to happen and I was going to make the call!!
So fast forward about an hour... We all arrive at the nursing home to pick up grandma, I'm sitting on her bed and she asks how I'm doing... So I tell her what's been going on and she lights up... She was so happy for me and she was so glad to hear that they were happy about me finding them... it's a good feeling when she's with it and smiling! So when we leave Chris and I go to Ralph's by Aunt Janets and we are getting soda's and beer for Shelly's... I am rounding a corner and don't see the water on the floor and slip... Yes... I fell AGAIN! This time I smacked my right knee, the same one, on the concrete floor! The first thought that goes through my head is "holy F%$# not again!" I was able to get up eventually and we filled out paperwork for it but I was in sooo much pain by the time we got to the car that Chris had to drive... I called my mom and told her what happened... she was concerned as we all know she would be... then I called Marlinda and filled her in on my knee and the blog...
We get to Shelly's and I get showered in Sunscreen, because we all know I do not Tan I burn... Yes I did burn a little! I grab the entire blog, cause I printed it out so my parents can read it... they aren't very up on the internet... :) And i make my way outside and claim a very shaded chair and footstool... I put my leg up and apply ice to my knee which is already swollen... :( So I'm sitting there and one by one as the people get there I fill them in on very little... usually only saying I got 2 very interesting phone calls...
So Shelly's asks to hear the story, then Aunt Janet, Then Denise, then Susan, then grandma... so we decide I will tell everyone... So Aunt Janet sits down next to me and asks about the Blogs, so I pass them on to her, then susan starts reading them, then her husband Bob, then Shelly... Pretty soon we're all sitting in a circle reading these blogs. I have to say tho... It was kinda cool to have everyone reading what I had written and they actually liked it! Bob said it was really good and my dad thinks I should publish it... not to sure about the last one... But still felt good... :)
So finally everyone get's done reading and I give them the shortened version of the calls and the highlights... my mom interjects her comments and feelings... Then I mention the emails that I was sending to Danielle through myspace in which I told her that I would call Saturday after 5... Of course everyone looks at the clock and their watches and I kid you not it was 4:58.... Everyone got all excited and started asking me what I was going to say, where was I going to call, who was going to sit with me and so on! I got sooo freaking nervous... I do not do well under pressure sometimes so I went inside under the gise of having to potty and I started crying... Thankfully Chris was inside also and he held me while I cried... They were good tears... they were tears of nerves and tears of being afraid she'd hate me when she got me on the phone!
So I paced the house for a while and then decided it was time... As Kevin told me... it's like a bandaid just rip it off... get it over with... I think the build up was what was making me panic... So I called mom and dad over and I sat on the last Chair on Shelly's porch by the swing... it was the place furthest from the kiddies and the most peaceful and I dialed...
My hands were shaking so bad... I don't even remember the conversation... again... I do remember she wanted me to thank my parents... I cried... then she asked if I was left handed or right handed... I cried... I also found out that my gray patch is from her... along with my thick hair, eyes and nose... It was an amazing conversation filled with love, discovery and warmth... I know in my heart that she made the right choice and that we are both amazing women because of it all...
Then we made plans to meet... this sunday the 16th! I've spent alot of time thinking about this and everything... I am so excited...
Then when I get abck to Aunt Janet's I check my myspace... or spacebook as dad called it... and I have a message from Danielle... she's my little half sister... :) and we have been emailing eachother every day... many times a day getting to know eachother and finding out that there is so much that we have in common... like our cars were stolen ;), our love of Dirty Dancing, the reading bug, the Erin Bear, theater, our love of disneyland and so much more!
I am so excited for Sunday... I also found out that Jim is going to be there also... I wonder if he's bringing his kids... It would be nice to meet them! I am so happy that I am going to meet everyone! :)
Ok... Off to a Exec Meeting for the Chamber... Got alot to plan with the Golf Tournament Next week and my Rubio's Dine-In... :) For those interested... I went to PT today and was told I had to see my regular Dr to get new x-rays on the knee... they can't legally treat me for the sprain without making sure I didn't damage it further on saturday! :(
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Are you Sitting Down?
Ok... So I took some time to process yesterday because I needed to wrap my head around everything... I can not even believe how quickly this has all happened!
I am hoping you read the blog before last... when I said that the letter arrived to Patrick in CA.... Well.... I was thinking I wasn't going to get that little green card back until Saturday... I called my mom right after I found out they were delievered adn we both prepared ourselves for a long waiting period... were we ever wrong... So mom and I hang up and I start doing my reports for Sandy when the mail shows up... guess whats on top of the mail stack... the little green card!!! Talk about shock... So I turned the card over and I stared at that signture for at least 20 minutes... it was a connection to them... So I did what any 28 year old girl falling apart about her adoption would do...I called my mom... I love my mom because she is just as emotional as I am and it's a good place to start when your feeling off and like your head is spinning...
So Mom and I hang up... after again agreeing that they would take the weekend to process all this information before we ever expected or thought we would hear anything... So I go about work... setting up for the Front Desk Meeting and so on... So during the meeting I am the one who has to watch the Front Desk... I'm up there and I am selling Disney Tickets to a very nice older lady and the phone rings...
"Stay Smart at the Holiday Inn Express. How may I help you?" Now you have to understand I don't say my name when I answer the phone because I don't want to be on the phone for 20 minutes talking about what some guys can sell me...
"May I speak to Erin Coggins?" A man asks...
"This is she, How can I help you?" I reply...
"Are you sitting down?"
I politely laughed... "No I'm not... but how can I help you...." I am thinking this is some sales guys telling me to sit down cause he has the deal of the centiry for me! I was so wrong...
"I think you should be sitting down...."
"ok... How can I help you..."
"I think you've been looking for me... you have me as Will... but Will is my middle name, I go be Jim... Jim Sollenbarger..." At this point I can't breathe anymore... I don't know what to do... This is my birthfather... the last person I ever expected to hear from. I didn't have any informaiton on him and I had sent nothing out about him. I was going to take it one parent at a time... I don't think thats the plan the universe had for me!!!
"Oh... can you hold please..." I turned to the poor lady at the front desk.. by this time I was loosing it! I started crying and my hands were shaking... "someone will be right with you... i'm sorry...." I walked into the back office and was shaking.." Ma...Ma...rlinda... the...re...re's someo...ne...ne at the d...d...d....esk... I got a ph...ph...ph...one call...yo...yo...your o...o...fice please..." I am having a breakdown... in my back office with all the front desk staff... and a guest at the desk... so not like me! Yeah right!
"Thank you for holding...."
"You didn't know what to do with me did you..."
"No... I'm kinda in shock..."
He goes on to tell me that he heard from a mutual friend of Tarin's that I am looking for her and he found me. He lives in Long Beach and works in Huntington Beach... I take after his side of the family cause they are not tall and skinny... it's good to be able to say I am fat because of genetics... :) He was calling me from a job site and was looking at my blog on his Blackberry... so my picture was very small... so when he was able to he was going to look at me on a bigger computer... I know I am missing so much of our conversation... I honestly can't even rememeber half of what was said... He told me he has 2 kids... and 18 year old son and a 14 year old daughter... I told him I was an only child and he told me that he was also... He said that there was more to my story than what I knew... He said he would love to fill in the blanks some time over coffee... But he assured me that he did not want to give me up and he thought about me all the time...
HOLY CRAP!! That answered my questions... at the point I was ok with Tarin not contacting me for a while.... I was going to work on building this then move on to her... Yeah I don't read comments on my blog cause no one ever leaves them.... So he and I have a great talk... he leaves me with his email and I assure him I am going to send him some pictures of me... and I asked him for some in return... I am dying to know what he looks like... So I emailed him some pictures of me and of Chris... cause all the ones I like are the ones you take of you and someone else at arm length...
So Chris get to the hotel, and Jon is there, and Marlinda and Kim... so we'te all in my office and I decide I am going to blog about my conversation with Jim... so I go online and pull up the blogger site... and I notice I have 2 comments on one of the blogs... I am not going to restate what was said... you need to go back to "I took a break..." and read it... but I will paraphrase... :) Basically it was my half sister (?!?!? don't really know what to call her) Danielle... she said that her mom was my mom... they are in AZ...(letter 1 Crazy huh) They got a call from her grandma who live with Patrick (letter 2) and she read the letter over the phone.. they are happy to hear from me and have been waiting a long time. The were going to call me tomorrow (the 7th) and tomorrow was Tarin's birthday... I started sobbing like a baby... I could barely get through the reading of it the first time! This was so crazy and is moving sooo fast! In less than 72 hours both Tarin and Jim had reached out and made contact with me.
This means they thought about me... The one question I had was answered in 72 hours!
So I was joking with Chris, Jon and Marlinda about why they hadn't called yet... and no joke I missed a call on my phone!!!!! I started looking everywhere for my damn phone... chris found it out in teh back office and ran over with it... There was a missed call from a 310 area code... I couldn't breathe... I thought I was going to pass out... could this be the call I was waiting for... holy shit... there was a voice mail coming through... oh crap what do I do... I dialed the voice mail... and there was some lame olde message from someone on there and I hoped that the old message wasn't the only one... it wasn't...
"Erin... I think your looking for me and uh... you found me. Call me 310-XXX-XXXX. This is Tarin... ok Bye"
Holy Jesus... now that message is amazing alone... but if I have ever personally left a message for you... you would understand that the message she left is more than just a message... it seriously was like I was leaving a message for my self....
I really wanted to call her back... but my head was way to spinny and I needed to think about things more... I hardly remember the call with Jim... I don't want to do that again... This time I am going to write down questions and have someone else with me... so I can remember things... I know I am going to be in shock and I know I am going to cry... and I know I am going to call her today... for sure... Chris gets off at 3:30 and will be down to San Diego by 5pm... so it will be after that... for sure....
I am hoping you read the blog before last... when I said that the letter arrived to Patrick in CA.... Well.... I was thinking I wasn't going to get that little green card back until Saturday... I called my mom right after I found out they were delievered adn we both prepared ourselves for a long waiting period... were we ever wrong... So mom and I hang up and I start doing my reports for Sandy when the mail shows up... guess whats on top of the mail stack... the little green card!!! Talk about shock... So I turned the card over and I stared at that signture for at least 20 minutes... it was a connection to them... So I did what any 28 year old girl falling apart about her adoption would do...I called my mom... I love my mom because she is just as emotional as I am and it's a good place to start when your feeling off and like your head is spinning...
So Mom and I hang up... after again agreeing that they would take the weekend to process all this information before we ever expected or thought we would hear anything... So I go about work... setting up for the Front Desk Meeting and so on... So during the meeting I am the one who has to watch the Front Desk... I'm up there and I am selling Disney Tickets to a very nice older lady and the phone rings...
"Stay Smart at the Holiday Inn Express. How may I help you?" Now you have to understand I don't say my name when I answer the phone because I don't want to be on the phone for 20 minutes talking about what some guys can sell me...
"May I speak to Erin Coggins?" A man asks...
"This is she, How can I help you?" I reply...
"Are you sitting down?"
I politely laughed... "No I'm not... but how can I help you...." I am thinking this is some sales guys telling me to sit down cause he has the deal of the centiry for me! I was so wrong...
"I think you should be sitting down...."
"ok... How can I help you..."
"I think you've been looking for me... you have me as Will... but Will is my middle name, I go be Jim... Jim Sollenbarger..." At this point I can't breathe anymore... I don't know what to do... This is my birthfather... the last person I ever expected to hear from. I didn't have any informaiton on him and I had sent nothing out about him. I was going to take it one parent at a time... I don't think thats the plan the universe had for me!!!
"Oh... can you hold please..." I turned to the poor lady at the front desk.. by this time I was loosing it! I started crying and my hands were shaking... "someone will be right with you... i'm sorry...." I walked into the back office and was shaking.." Ma...Ma...rlinda... the...re...re's someo...ne...ne at the d...d...d....esk... I got a ph...ph...ph...one call...yo...yo...your o...o...fice please..." I am having a breakdown... in my back office with all the front desk staff... and a guest at the desk... so not like me! Yeah right!
"Thank you for holding...."
"You didn't know what to do with me did you..."
"No... I'm kinda in shock..."
He goes on to tell me that he heard from a mutual friend of Tarin's that I am looking for her and he found me. He lives in Long Beach and works in Huntington Beach... I take after his side of the family cause they are not tall and skinny... it's good to be able to say I am fat because of genetics... :) He was calling me from a job site and was looking at my blog on his Blackberry... so my picture was very small... so when he was able to he was going to look at me on a bigger computer... I know I am missing so much of our conversation... I honestly can't even rememeber half of what was said... He told me he has 2 kids... and 18 year old son and a 14 year old daughter... I told him I was an only child and he told me that he was also... He said that there was more to my story than what I knew... He said he would love to fill in the blanks some time over coffee... But he assured me that he did not want to give me up and he thought about me all the time...
HOLY CRAP!! That answered my questions... at the point I was ok with Tarin not contacting me for a while.... I was going to work on building this then move on to her... Yeah I don't read comments on my blog cause no one ever leaves them.... So he and I have a great talk... he leaves me with his email and I assure him I am going to send him some pictures of me... and I asked him for some in return... I am dying to know what he looks like... So I emailed him some pictures of me and of Chris... cause all the ones I like are the ones you take of you and someone else at arm length...
So Chris get to the hotel, and Jon is there, and Marlinda and Kim... so we'te all in my office and I decide I am going to blog about my conversation with Jim... so I go online and pull up the blogger site... and I notice I have 2 comments on one of the blogs... I am not going to restate what was said... you need to go back to "I took a break..." and read it... but I will paraphrase... :) Basically it was my half sister (?!?!? don't really know what to call her) Danielle... she said that her mom was my mom... they are in AZ...(letter 1 Crazy huh) They got a call from her grandma who live with Patrick (letter 2) and she read the letter over the phone.. they are happy to hear from me and have been waiting a long time. The were going to call me tomorrow (the 7th) and tomorrow was Tarin's birthday... I started sobbing like a baby... I could barely get through the reading of it the first time! This was so crazy and is moving sooo fast! In less than 72 hours both Tarin and Jim had reached out and made contact with me.
This means they thought about me... The one question I had was answered in 72 hours!
So I was joking with Chris, Jon and Marlinda about why they hadn't called yet... and no joke I missed a call on my phone!!!!! I started looking everywhere for my damn phone... chris found it out in teh back office and ran over with it... There was a missed call from a 310 area code... I couldn't breathe... I thought I was going to pass out... could this be the call I was waiting for... holy shit... there was a voice mail coming through... oh crap what do I do... I dialed the voice mail... and there was some lame olde message from someone on there and I hoped that the old message wasn't the only one... it wasn't...
"Erin... I think your looking for me and uh... you found me. Call me 310-XXX-XXXX. This is Tarin... ok Bye"
Holy Jesus... now that message is amazing alone... but if I have ever personally left a message for you... you would understand that the message she left is more than just a message... it seriously was like I was leaving a message for my self....
I really wanted to call her back... but my head was way to spinny and I needed to think about things more... I hardly remember the call with Jim... I don't want to do that again... This time I am going to write down questions and have someone else with me... so I can remember things... I know I am going to be in shock and I know I am going to cry... and I know I am going to call her today... for sure... Chris gets off at 3:30 and will be down to San Diego by 5pm... so it will be after that... for sure....
Friday, August 7, 2009
Holy Hell...
This has been a mind blowing day.... My hands are shaking...
I got a phone call from my birthfather Jim... Blew me away... I cried for about an hour... I am so amazed by his personality... we are truly related... He gave me his email and I sent him some pictures of both Chris and I...
Then... I check my blog... and I get the message from Danielle... Blew my mind again...
Then I get a phone call from my birthmother... her message was exactly like the ones I leave... you guys know what I am talking about... the "hey its me ..." and then I leave the message... it's kinda freaky...
I wasn't expecting this all today... I thought I'd at least have the weekend to process this... I'm not complaining at all mind you... I'm just blown away... I am going to call her back... I just need to process this... When she called it was wonderful to have Chris and Marlinda in the room to hear her message. I am so blessed!!!
I got a phone call from my birthfather Jim... Blew me away... I cried for about an hour... I am so amazed by his personality... we are truly related... He gave me his email and I sent him some pictures of both Chris and I...
Then... I check my blog... and I get the message from Danielle... Blew my mind again...
Then I get a phone call from my birthmother... her message was exactly like the ones I leave... you guys know what I am talking about... the "hey its me ..." and then I leave the message... it's kinda freaky...
I wasn't expecting this all today... I thought I'd at least have the weekend to process this... I'm not complaining at all mind you... I'm just blown away... I am going to call her back... I just need to process this... When she called it was wonderful to have Chris and Marlinda in the room to hear her message. I am so blessed!!!
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