I didn't mail the letter yet....

OK, don't be mad at me but I couldn't mail the letter yesterday. I felt that it was something that I didn't want to do with out talking to my dad first. I had been keeping my mom up to date on all this and totally had her support... but we both thought it would be right to talk to my dad first.

Of course he was supportive... like he would be anything but! We had a long talk about not knowing who I look like. He shared a story about his older brother who had a child and left the child when she was young and she never knew anything about her dad, my uncle. She used to call my dad and ask him questions about my uncle. Pretty much the same questions I have, who do I look like, medical history, quirks and so much more. He was so sympathetic to this and to what I am going through right now. My dad's father walked out on their family when he was 8 years old and they only saw each other once more when my dad was 14. My Aunt Cleo, whom I love to death, always wanted to know more about her father, But Aunt Cleo respected her mother and never looked for him while her mother was alive. Once she passed away Aunt Cleo started her search and found him, however he had passed away a few months before they were able to find him.

What if that happens to me? I think that would be an odd thing... I don't know how I would feel about that. I think I would be OK with is as long as someone in the family would agree to provide me with a medical history and a picture...

So remember I told you I am an MTV-a-holic? Well today they are having a "True Life" about 2 mothers who are putting their children up for adoption. And yes I am watching it. I am totally fascinated by watching the reverse of my situation. But this one is alot more different than the 16 and pregnant.... I'm not as emotional this time around. They really aren't connecting with me this time around. So I think I am going to be able to keep my emotions in check this time around! WooHoo! I can't usually do that on a normal day so if I can pull it off today... wow!

On another subject... today I am getting to meet some of Chris' work friends. Talk about nervewracking!!!! I think this trying to look for my self/my past is really funking with my confidence. If this were something for work I would so not be nervous... however trying to impress his co-workers is so stressfull! What if they don't like me? What if I am the only fat one there.... ?!?!?! STRESS!!! I have no idea what I am going to wear... but thankfully I still have 2 and a half hours to get ready... :)

Ok I am off to get in the shower and get ready to impress! Wish me luck...

Oh and tonight/tomorrow I get to fill my Aunt Janet in on this whole adoption thing... she's one of the people in my family who's always been supportive of me. So lets see how this goes!!!

I am mailing the letter Monday... no exceptions!!