Wow... Sorry guys! I know it's been forever! It's getting harder and harder for me to find the time to update this. I am also having a hard time trying to balance what I want to write with what I want to keep to my self... and also trying not to offend anyone... That can be really hard sometimes... So I will write in hopes not to offend... but I make no promises. I wanted this to be an accurate story of my search so I am going to try and keep it that way...
So be on the look out for more... I have met Jim and the rest of Tarin's family and I have a few pictures from that day to post up here and I will... I promise... I've also been going through some stuff at work and with my health that I will also post up here... so keep your eyes open...
Monday, November 9, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Another Quick Update
Hello again! I am so amazed by how fast and far this blog has gone! I am overwhelmed by the love and support I am getting from my friends, family and people who I still get to meet! When I started this it was just a way for me to remember all this and a way for me to make sure I don't forget anything... I mean yes... I always hoped that people would read it and would like it. But it was never written for that purpose. And I am so amazed that it has been read! :) Now on to the update...
After Sunday and the let down about Jim not coming I did a lot of thinking... At first I felt like I was upset with him... I was very confused about the emails I had been getting from him... they were all short, almost detached emails. I really did not get it... his email to me had very good and valid points. And I was not upset with him for not coming I think I was more confused by the emails and I know I was a lot emotional about all this. But we all know how I love to over analyze things... as does half of my family... and everyone came up with their own reasons and why they thought he wasn't there. I love everyone of them for trying to help but it wasn't working... so I went to the source and emailed him... he asked me to call him so he could explain... I still haven't found the courage to call him... I think I am afraid of the answers I'll get.
I do talk to Danielle almost everyday through texting and myspace emails. I am really enjoying getting to know her... she and I have a lot in common and I know exactly where she and I will fit in to each others lives. Which is a comfort... Can you believe after all this I am still not 100% sure where I fit in?!?!? I am not sure where I fit into Tarin's life and into her family. There is no handbook on any of this stuff! It's kinda making me nuts!
Tuesday was my dad's 73rd birthday! Chris and I went over there for dinner, which was good. :) After dinner my mom, my dad, Chris and I sat and had a long talk about all this. They were telling me how many people that they have sent my blog to and how far it's gone. :) We also talked about where I fit in. I have never felt like I 100% percent fit into my family... I have always felt like the underachiever... I never went to... no wait let me rephrase that... I never finished college... I could never really compare my accomplishments to my older brothers and sister because they were so much older than me. I always looked at my nieces and nephews as the people to "contend" with on the accomplishment level... I have nephews who are going into law and who work for freaking NASA! I have always felt that I was the least accomplished of all of them. I have always felt that when my mom's poker group gets together and compares stories... that I would be the least accomplished. Same thing with my mom's side of the family... Now wait a minute... I know what you are all thinking! No one has ever made me feel this way and no one has ever pressured me about any thing like this. This is just the way I feel and my fears...
And now with Tarin's family I still don't know were I am going to fit in. Tarin and I are going to dinner tonight to talk about things. I missed a lot at the first meeting so this is my chance to catch up on everything I missed and on things I am dying to know!
So keep your eyes out for a new post soon!
Love to you all!
After Sunday and the let down about Jim not coming I did a lot of thinking... At first I felt like I was upset with him... I was very confused about the emails I had been getting from him... they were all short, almost detached emails. I really did not get it... his email to me had very good and valid points. And I was not upset with him for not coming I think I was more confused by the emails and I know I was a lot emotional about all this. But we all know how I love to over analyze things... as does half of my family... and everyone came up with their own reasons and why they thought he wasn't there. I love everyone of them for trying to help but it wasn't working... so I went to the source and emailed him... he asked me to call him so he could explain... I still haven't found the courage to call him... I think I am afraid of the answers I'll get.
I do talk to Danielle almost everyday through texting and myspace emails. I am really enjoying getting to know her... she and I have a lot in common and I know exactly where she and I will fit in to each others lives. Which is a comfort... Can you believe after all this I am still not 100% sure where I fit in?!?!? I am not sure where I fit into Tarin's life and into her family. There is no handbook on any of this stuff! It's kinda making me nuts!
Tuesday was my dad's 73rd birthday! Chris and I went over there for dinner, which was good. :) After dinner my mom, my dad, Chris and I sat and had a long talk about all this. They were telling me how many people that they have sent my blog to and how far it's gone. :) We also talked about where I fit in. I have never felt like I 100% percent fit into my family... I have always felt like the underachiever... I never went to... no wait let me rephrase that... I never finished college... I could never really compare my accomplishments to my older brothers and sister because they were so much older than me. I always looked at my nieces and nephews as the people to "contend" with on the accomplishment level... I have nephews who are going into law and who work for freaking NASA! I have always felt that I was the least accomplished of all of them. I have always felt that when my mom's poker group gets together and compares stories... that I would be the least accomplished. Same thing with my mom's side of the family... Now wait a minute... I know what you are all thinking! No one has ever made me feel this way and no one has ever pressured me about any thing like this. This is just the way I feel and my fears...
And now with Tarin's family I still don't know were I am going to fit in. Tarin and I are going to dinner tonight to talk about things. I missed a lot at the first meeting so this is my chance to catch up on everything I missed and on things I am dying to know!
So keep your eyes out for a new post soon!
Love to you all!
Monday, August 17, 2009
Sunday... Sunday... Sunday...
Ok... we did it... we met! It was sooo much fun and I learned a lot about myself and about where I come from and I got a lot of answers to some of the questions I wanted to know. It created a lot more questions tho... So the story...
I got up at 7am to make sure we had a covered shelter because when I called Community Services they were unable to make a reservation for me because it was not with in 10 days. Which was odd as I was willing to give them money to hold the spot and they did not want it... odd for a city that needs money... huh... So we got there at about 9am... :) They were all open! We walked through all the shelters to find the cleanest one and the nicest one. We stopped on the way there and got doughnuts... yum... and we totally forgot everything else at home... so Chris had to go back home and get our iPod and a sweatshirt cause it was freezing... So I'm sitting there freezing and I get a phone call from Chris... he left the house keys in my purse and had to come all the way back to the park to get them... so he finally got back to park with everything at around ten... Then my mom and dad showed up with the whole house! Marlinda got there around10:45 and so we all sat there and waited... we were all so freaking nervous! I think Mom was more stressed at this time than I was!
So there we sit and I am scanning every car that drives into the park and I see a BMW... Which is Tarin's car... and someone waved at us... well at least we think that they were waving at us... (they were) so the car parks and they all start getting out and I started freaking out... I was nervous and excited all at once... I stood there and watched her walk up the hill and I didn't know what to do... So I hugged her... I like hugs... there were lots of hugs!
See Lots of hugs.. One for Tarin and one for Danielle!We all eventually made the introductions... Me, Mom (Barbara), Dad (Felix), Chris (Boyfriend or Asian as my mom called him), Marlinda (BFF), Tarin (Birth mother), Danielle (22 - Half Sister), Darin (24 - Half Brother), Chelsea (20 almost 21 - Half Sister), Mitchel (her Marine man), Donna (Tarin's Mom) and Mike (the Manny as they called him). So yeah it was a lot of people! Chris procured some "Family Reunion" Buttons from the park for us so we all laughed about it and some even put them on!
Then it was time for pictures! I gave her the scrapbook I made and she pulled out her baby pictures so we could compare! We totally looked a like as babies... :) Some of the pictures were very much the same smile and face... It was an amazing relief to see who I look like and to see where I get my nose... it's always puzzled me! :)
See lots of stories and pictures... There was sooo much going on I kinda missed the adoption story of why and how... I am hoping to just hang out with or go to dinner with Tarin so I can hear everything again... I did get the answer to the one question I wanted to know... She did hold me... she actually demanded to hold me! :) Makes me feel special!
We spent some more time getting to know each other... I found out how the kids found out about me... someone spilled the beans... shoes were thrown... towels were made in the shape of noose's the next day... Then we took more pictures...
It was a great day... I learned a lot about who I am and what went into me and into making the decision to... not give me up or give me away but to bless me with such great adoptive parents... Everything and every choice she made was totally out of love for me and for wanting me to have more. I am so blessed and I am so lucky! I am looking forward to moving ahead and hopefully bonding with them all... I would love to be able to call the girls my sisters and Darin my brother... I am just hesitant to jump in as I know that they are such a close family. You could totally tell from meeting them that they all get along so well and mesh so amazingly... I'll be blessed if I get even a tenth of that meshing with them.
Each new family member I met was unique and wonderful yet in each of them I saw a piece of me... A love for anime, saying what you think no matter what, a great sense of humor, and most of all a loving, caring, motherly, happy soul. I am so lucky for all my Mom has given me as I've grown up because I know that she has brought out the best in me... but I still can't tell what I get from whom when it comes to my personality because they are both such great and loving women. I am luck to have had them both in my life!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Legacy of An Adopted Child
Author Unknown
Once there were two women,
Who barely knew each other.
One is in your heart forever,
The other you’ll call mother.
Two different lives,
Shaped to make yours one.
One became your guiding star,
The other became your sun.
The first gave you life,
And the second taught you how to live it.
The first gave you a need for love,
And the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality,
The other gave you a name.One gave you the seed of talent,
The other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions,
The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile,
The other dried your tears.
One gave you a family,
It was what God intended for her to do.
The other prayed for a child,
And God led her straight to you.
And now you ask me
Through your tears,
The age old question through the years.
Heredity or environment…
Which are you a product of?
Author Unknown
Once there were two women,
Who barely knew each other.
One is in your heart forever,
The other you’ll call mother.
Two different lives,
Shaped to make yours one.
One became your guiding star,
The other became your sun.
The first gave you life,
And the second taught you how to live it.
The first gave you a need for love,
And the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality,
The other gave you a name.One gave you the seed of talent,
The other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions,
The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile,
The other dried your tears.
One gave you a family,
It was what God intended for her to do.
The other prayed for a child,
And God led her straight to you.
And now you ask me
Through your tears,
The age old question through the years.
Heredity or environment…
Which are you a product of?
Neither, my darling… neither,
Just two different kinds of love.
The Catch-Up Blog..
Ok... Haven't had alot of time to write everything down! Ok... I left off with Danielle and I emailing eachother through MySpace... or "SpaceBook" as my dad calls it... It was really nice to get to know her... I know it relaxed me on Sunday!!
I made a scrapbook for Tarin so she could have some pictures of me to take home... I just didn't know what to get someone who gives you an amazing gift that no one else understands! Marlinda and Chris helped me kick butt on it and we were able to get it all done in one night! ;) I tried to post the pictures on here but they aren't working! :( I will keep trying or I will post them to Facebook and insert a link!
On Friday I decided to send out an "easy out" email to both Tarin and Jim... I was kinda feeling that it wasn't going to work for Jim. I sent him the email on the Friday we spoke and I didn't get anything back from him until Monday. I know this sounds normal and ok to most people but I was kinda hurt by it. He was the first person to reach out to me and to make contact when all this happened and to not get a response for a few days was kinda odd. And I know his wife wasn't to keen on this whole thing. So I kinda thought that he might not be wanting or able to meet up with us. The email I sent was very nice...
~~~
Jim,
I am sending this message to Tarin also. I just wanted to let you both know that if for any reason you do not feel comfortable with meeting on Sunday or it's not a good time in your lives there is no hard feelings if you want to cancel the meeting. I do not want to come into your lives and disrupt them, I would like to blend into them. It's not my intention to hurt anyone or cause any kind of distress to your current families. I would love to meet you both and I am hoping that you both will be there.
Thank you, Erin
Tri-City Park - Sunday, 11am
2301 N. Kraemer Blvd Placentia, CA 92870
Where is says reservoir that's right off Kreamer Blvd. We are going to try and get Shelter 1,2,3, or 4. So we will be up at the top of the hill...
~~~~
And I got the response I was expecting but didn't want to hear... he decided not to come... which was ok with me but to tell you the truth I was sad! I was so excited to meet him and to learn about him and his family! So I emailed Danielle and let her know to pass it one to Tarin.
Saturday Night I decided that I needed to go home and be around my family... I feel safe there and I feel comfortable... Chris and I went to my parents house to bake cookies for Sunday and for dinner... it was nice to be there... I felt really relaxed... until dinner... I swear it was like the last supper!
We were all sitting around the table and we're going to pray and Mom decided that it was a hand holding prayer night... so we all hold hands... then she decides that she doesn't want to say grace so she asks my dad too... Which is all cool... My dad may not seem the religious type but he can say a really heartfelt and amazing grace when called upon. So of course by the end of it Mom's crying... We were all making good small talk but I knew that at the back of all our minds was tomorrow and how everything would be different from here on out. No matter how we pretend or how much we try not to change things tomorrow was going to change us all.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
My weekend...
Ok... so where did I leave off... So much has happened this weekend! Soooo much good warm and fuzzy stuff!!
Ok.. Saturday...
After I got up early and wrote my blog, got showered, dressed and ready for the day, I went downstairs and sat outside with Sarah, Dad and Mom... we all talked about how fast this is all moving and when I called Tarin later that afternoon what was I going to say... I honestly don't remember much from my conversation with Jim... So I wanted to make sure I remembered everything from this conversation! Chris called and said he was getting off work early and heading down already... i kinda started to panic... this ment that it was actually going to happen and I was going to make the call!!
So fast forward about an hour... We all arrive at the nursing home to pick up grandma, I'm sitting on her bed and she asks how I'm doing... So I tell her what's been going on and she lights up... She was so happy for me and she was so glad to hear that they were happy about me finding them... it's a good feeling when she's with it and smiling! So when we leave Chris and I go to Ralph's by Aunt Janets and we are getting soda's and beer for Shelly's... I am rounding a corner and don't see the water on the floor and slip... Yes... I fell AGAIN! This time I smacked my right knee, the same one, on the concrete floor! The first thought that goes through my head is "holy F%$# not again!" I was able to get up eventually and we filled out paperwork for it but I was in sooo much pain by the time we got to the car that Chris had to drive... I called my mom and told her what happened... she was concerned as we all know she would be... then I called Marlinda and filled her in on my knee and the blog...
We get to Shelly's and I get showered in Sunscreen, because we all know I do not Tan I burn... Yes I did burn a little! I grab the entire blog, cause I printed it out so my parents can read it... they aren't very up on the internet... :) And i make my way outside and claim a very shaded chair and footstool... I put my leg up and apply ice to my knee which is already swollen... :( So I'm sitting there and one by one as the people get there I fill them in on very little... usually only saying I got 2 very interesting phone calls...
So Shelly's asks to hear the story, then Aunt Janet, Then Denise, then Susan, then grandma... so we decide I will tell everyone... So Aunt Janet sits down next to me and asks about the Blogs, so I pass them on to her, then susan starts reading them, then her husband Bob, then Shelly... Pretty soon we're all sitting in a circle reading these blogs. I have to say tho... It was kinda cool to have everyone reading what I had written and they actually liked it! Bob said it was really good and my dad thinks I should publish it... not to sure about the last one... But still felt good... :)
So finally everyone get's done reading and I give them the shortened version of the calls and the highlights... my mom interjects her comments and feelings... Then I mention the emails that I was sending to Danielle through myspace in which I told her that I would call Saturday after 5... Of course everyone looks at the clock and their watches and I kid you not it was 4:58.... Everyone got all excited and started asking me what I was going to say, where was I going to call, who was going to sit with me and so on! I got sooo freaking nervous... I do not do well under pressure sometimes so I went inside under the gise of having to potty and I started crying... Thankfully Chris was inside also and he held me while I cried... They were good tears... they were tears of nerves and tears of being afraid she'd hate me when she got me on the phone!
So I paced the house for a while and then decided it was time... As Kevin told me... it's like a bandaid just rip it off... get it over with... I think the build up was what was making me panic... So I called mom and dad over and I sat on the last Chair on Shelly's porch by the swing... it was the place furthest from the kiddies and the most peaceful and I dialed...
My hands were shaking so bad... I don't even remember the conversation... again... I do remember she wanted me to thank my parents... I cried... then she asked if I was left handed or right handed... I cried... I also found out that my gray patch is from her... along with my thick hair, eyes and nose... It was an amazing conversation filled with love, discovery and warmth... I know in my heart that she made the right choice and that we are both amazing women because of it all...
Then we made plans to meet... this sunday the 16th! I've spent alot of time thinking about this and everything... I am so excited...
Then when I get abck to Aunt Janet's I check my myspace... or spacebook as dad called it... and I have a message from Danielle... she's my little half sister... :) and we have been emailing eachother every day... many times a day getting to know eachother and finding out that there is so much that we have in common... like our cars were stolen ;), our love of Dirty Dancing, the reading bug, the Erin Bear, theater, our love of disneyland and so much more!
I am so excited for Sunday... I also found out that Jim is going to be there also... I wonder if he's bringing his kids... It would be nice to meet them! I am so happy that I am going to meet everyone! :)
Ok... Off to a Exec Meeting for the Chamber... Got alot to plan with the Golf Tournament Next week and my Rubio's Dine-In... :) For those interested... I went to PT today and was told I had to see my regular Dr to get new x-rays on the knee... they can't legally treat me for the sprain without making sure I didn't damage it further on saturday! :(
Ok.. Saturday...
After I got up early and wrote my blog, got showered, dressed and ready for the day, I went downstairs and sat outside with Sarah, Dad and Mom... we all talked about how fast this is all moving and when I called Tarin later that afternoon what was I going to say... I honestly don't remember much from my conversation with Jim... So I wanted to make sure I remembered everything from this conversation! Chris called and said he was getting off work early and heading down already... i kinda started to panic... this ment that it was actually going to happen and I was going to make the call!!
So fast forward about an hour... We all arrive at the nursing home to pick up grandma, I'm sitting on her bed and she asks how I'm doing... So I tell her what's been going on and she lights up... She was so happy for me and she was so glad to hear that they were happy about me finding them... it's a good feeling when she's with it and smiling! So when we leave Chris and I go to Ralph's by Aunt Janets and we are getting soda's and beer for Shelly's... I am rounding a corner and don't see the water on the floor and slip... Yes... I fell AGAIN! This time I smacked my right knee, the same one, on the concrete floor! The first thought that goes through my head is "holy F%$# not again!" I was able to get up eventually and we filled out paperwork for it but I was in sooo much pain by the time we got to the car that Chris had to drive... I called my mom and told her what happened... she was concerned as we all know she would be... then I called Marlinda and filled her in on my knee and the blog...
We get to Shelly's and I get showered in Sunscreen, because we all know I do not Tan I burn... Yes I did burn a little! I grab the entire blog, cause I printed it out so my parents can read it... they aren't very up on the internet... :) And i make my way outside and claim a very shaded chair and footstool... I put my leg up and apply ice to my knee which is already swollen... :( So I'm sitting there and one by one as the people get there I fill them in on very little... usually only saying I got 2 very interesting phone calls...
So Shelly's asks to hear the story, then Aunt Janet, Then Denise, then Susan, then grandma... so we decide I will tell everyone... So Aunt Janet sits down next to me and asks about the Blogs, so I pass them on to her, then susan starts reading them, then her husband Bob, then Shelly... Pretty soon we're all sitting in a circle reading these blogs. I have to say tho... It was kinda cool to have everyone reading what I had written and they actually liked it! Bob said it was really good and my dad thinks I should publish it... not to sure about the last one... But still felt good... :)
So finally everyone get's done reading and I give them the shortened version of the calls and the highlights... my mom interjects her comments and feelings... Then I mention the emails that I was sending to Danielle through myspace in which I told her that I would call Saturday after 5... Of course everyone looks at the clock and their watches and I kid you not it was 4:58.... Everyone got all excited and started asking me what I was going to say, where was I going to call, who was going to sit with me and so on! I got sooo freaking nervous... I do not do well under pressure sometimes so I went inside under the gise of having to potty and I started crying... Thankfully Chris was inside also and he held me while I cried... They were good tears... they were tears of nerves and tears of being afraid she'd hate me when she got me on the phone!
So I paced the house for a while and then decided it was time... As Kevin told me... it's like a bandaid just rip it off... get it over with... I think the build up was what was making me panic... So I called mom and dad over and I sat on the last Chair on Shelly's porch by the swing... it was the place furthest from the kiddies and the most peaceful and I dialed...
My hands were shaking so bad... I don't even remember the conversation... again... I do remember she wanted me to thank my parents... I cried... then she asked if I was left handed or right handed... I cried... I also found out that my gray patch is from her... along with my thick hair, eyes and nose... It was an amazing conversation filled with love, discovery and warmth... I know in my heart that she made the right choice and that we are both amazing women because of it all...
Then we made plans to meet... this sunday the 16th! I've spent alot of time thinking about this and everything... I am so excited...
Then when I get abck to Aunt Janet's I check my myspace... or spacebook as dad called it... and I have a message from Danielle... she's my little half sister... :) and we have been emailing eachother every day... many times a day getting to know eachother and finding out that there is so much that we have in common... like our cars were stolen ;), our love of Dirty Dancing, the reading bug, the Erin Bear, theater, our love of disneyland and so much more!
I am so excited for Sunday... I also found out that Jim is going to be there also... I wonder if he's bringing his kids... It would be nice to meet them! I am so happy that I am going to meet everyone! :)
Ok... Off to a Exec Meeting for the Chamber... Got alot to plan with the Golf Tournament Next week and my Rubio's Dine-In... :) For those interested... I went to PT today and was told I had to see my regular Dr to get new x-rays on the knee... they can't legally treat me for the sprain without making sure I didn't damage it further on saturday! :(
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Are you Sitting Down?
Ok... So I took some time to process yesterday because I needed to wrap my head around everything... I can not even believe how quickly this has all happened!
I am hoping you read the blog before last... when I said that the letter arrived to Patrick in CA.... Well.... I was thinking I wasn't going to get that little green card back until Saturday... I called my mom right after I found out they were delievered adn we both prepared ourselves for a long waiting period... were we ever wrong... So mom and I hang up and I start doing my reports for Sandy when the mail shows up... guess whats on top of the mail stack... the little green card!!! Talk about shock... So I turned the card over and I stared at that signture for at least 20 minutes... it was a connection to them... So I did what any 28 year old girl falling apart about her adoption would do...I called my mom... I love my mom because she is just as emotional as I am and it's a good place to start when your feeling off and like your head is spinning...
So Mom and I hang up... after again agreeing that they would take the weekend to process all this information before we ever expected or thought we would hear anything... So I go about work... setting up for the Front Desk Meeting and so on... So during the meeting I am the one who has to watch the Front Desk... I'm up there and I am selling Disney Tickets to a very nice older lady and the phone rings...
"Stay Smart at the Holiday Inn Express. How may I help you?" Now you have to understand I don't say my name when I answer the phone because I don't want to be on the phone for 20 minutes talking about what some guys can sell me...
"May I speak to Erin Coggins?" A man asks...
"This is she, How can I help you?" I reply...
"Are you sitting down?"
I politely laughed... "No I'm not... but how can I help you...." I am thinking this is some sales guys telling me to sit down cause he has the deal of the centiry for me! I was so wrong...
"I think you should be sitting down...."
"ok... How can I help you..."
"I think you've been looking for me... you have me as Will... but Will is my middle name, I go be Jim... Jim Sollenbarger..." At this point I can't breathe anymore... I don't know what to do... This is my birthfather... the last person I ever expected to hear from. I didn't have any informaiton on him and I had sent nothing out about him. I was going to take it one parent at a time... I don't think thats the plan the universe had for me!!!
"Oh... can you hold please..." I turned to the poor lady at the front desk.. by this time I was loosing it! I started crying and my hands were shaking... "someone will be right with you... i'm sorry...." I walked into the back office and was shaking.." Ma...Ma...rlinda... the...re...re's someo...ne...ne at the d...d...d....esk... I got a ph...ph...ph...one call...yo...yo...your o...o...fice please..." I am having a breakdown... in my back office with all the front desk staff... and a guest at the desk... so not like me! Yeah right!
"Thank you for holding...."
"You didn't know what to do with me did you..."
"No... I'm kinda in shock..."
He goes on to tell me that he heard from a mutual friend of Tarin's that I am looking for her and he found me. He lives in Long Beach and works in Huntington Beach... I take after his side of the family cause they are not tall and skinny... it's good to be able to say I am fat because of genetics... :) He was calling me from a job site and was looking at my blog on his Blackberry... so my picture was very small... so when he was able to he was going to look at me on a bigger computer... I know I am missing so much of our conversation... I honestly can't even rememeber half of what was said... He told me he has 2 kids... and 18 year old son and a 14 year old daughter... I told him I was an only child and he told me that he was also... He said that there was more to my story than what I knew... He said he would love to fill in the blanks some time over coffee... But he assured me that he did not want to give me up and he thought about me all the time...
HOLY CRAP!! That answered my questions... at the point I was ok with Tarin not contacting me for a while.... I was going to work on building this then move on to her... Yeah I don't read comments on my blog cause no one ever leaves them.... So he and I have a great talk... he leaves me with his email and I assure him I am going to send him some pictures of me... and I asked him for some in return... I am dying to know what he looks like... So I emailed him some pictures of me and of Chris... cause all the ones I like are the ones you take of you and someone else at arm length...
So Chris get to the hotel, and Jon is there, and Marlinda and Kim... so we'te all in my office and I decide I am going to blog about my conversation with Jim... so I go online and pull up the blogger site... and I notice I have 2 comments on one of the blogs... I am not going to restate what was said... you need to go back to "I took a break..." and read it... but I will paraphrase... :) Basically it was my half sister (?!?!? don't really know what to call her) Danielle... she said that her mom was my mom... they are in AZ...(letter 1 Crazy huh) They got a call from her grandma who live with Patrick (letter 2) and she read the letter over the phone.. they are happy to hear from me and have been waiting a long time. The were going to call me tomorrow (the 7th) and tomorrow was Tarin's birthday... I started sobbing like a baby... I could barely get through the reading of it the first time! This was so crazy and is moving sooo fast! In less than 72 hours both Tarin and Jim had reached out and made contact with me.
This means they thought about me... The one question I had was answered in 72 hours!
So I was joking with Chris, Jon and Marlinda about why they hadn't called yet... and no joke I missed a call on my phone!!!!! I started looking everywhere for my damn phone... chris found it out in teh back office and ran over with it... There was a missed call from a 310 area code... I couldn't breathe... I thought I was going to pass out... could this be the call I was waiting for... holy shit... there was a voice mail coming through... oh crap what do I do... I dialed the voice mail... and there was some lame olde message from someone on there and I hoped that the old message wasn't the only one... it wasn't...
"Erin... I think your looking for me and uh... you found me. Call me 310-XXX-XXXX. This is Tarin... ok Bye"
Holy Jesus... now that message is amazing alone... but if I have ever personally left a message for you... you would understand that the message she left is more than just a message... it seriously was like I was leaving a message for my self....
I really wanted to call her back... but my head was way to spinny and I needed to think about things more... I hardly remember the call with Jim... I don't want to do that again... This time I am going to write down questions and have someone else with me... so I can remember things... I know I am going to be in shock and I know I am going to cry... and I know I am going to call her today... for sure... Chris gets off at 3:30 and will be down to San Diego by 5pm... so it will be after that... for sure....
I am hoping you read the blog before last... when I said that the letter arrived to Patrick in CA.... Well.... I was thinking I wasn't going to get that little green card back until Saturday... I called my mom right after I found out they were delievered adn we both prepared ourselves for a long waiting period... were we ever wrong... So mom and I hang up and I start doing my reports for Sandy when the mail shows up... guess whats on top of the mail stack... the little green card!!! Talk about shock... So I turned the card over and I stared at that signture for at least 20 minutes... it was a connection to them... So I did what any 28 year old girl falling apart about her adoption would do...I called my mom... I love my mom because she is just as emotional as I am and it's a good place to start when your feeling off and like your head is spinning...
So Mom and I hang up... after again agreeing that they would take the weekend to process all this information before we ever expected or thought we would hear anything... So I go about work... setting up for the Front Desk Meeting and so on... So during the meeting I am the one who has to watch the Front Desk... I'm up there and I am selling Disney Tickets to a very nice older lady and the phone rings...
"Stay Smart at the Holiday Inn Express. How may I help you?" Now you have to understand I don't say my name when I answer the phone because I don't want to be on the phone for 20 minutes talking about what some guys can sell me...
"May I speak to Erin Coggins?" A man asks...
"This is she, How can I help you?" I reply...
"Are you sitting down?"
I politely laughed... "No I'm not... but how can I help you...." I am thinking this is some sales guys telling me to sit down cause he has the deal of the centiry for me! I was so wrong...
"I think you should be sitting down...."
"ok... How can I help you..."
"I think you've been looking for me... you have me as Will... but Will is my middle name, I go be Jim... Jim Sollenbarger..." At this point I can't breathe anymore... I don't know what to do... This is my birthfather... the last person I ever expected to hear from. I didn't have any informaiton on him and I had sent nothing out about him. I was going to take it one parent at a time... I don't think thats the plan the universe had for me!!!
"Oh... can you hold please..." I turned to the poor lady at the front desk.. by this time I was loosing it! I started crying and my hands were shaking... "someone will be right with you... i'm sorry...." I walked into the back office and was shaking.." Ma...Ma...rlinda... the...re...re's someo...ne...ne at the d...d...d....esk... I got a ph...ph...ph...one call...yo...yo...your o...o...fice please..." I am having a breakdown... in my back office with all the front desk staff... and a guest at the desk... so not like me! Yeah right!
"Thank you for holding...."
"You didn't know what to do with me did you..."
"No... I'm kinda in shock..."
He goes on to tell me that he heard from a mutual friend of Tarin's that I am looking for her and he found me. He lives in Long Beach and works in Huntington Beach... I take after his side of the family cause they are not tall and skinny... it's good to be able to say I am fat because of genetics... :) He was calling me from a job site and was looking at my blog on his Blackberry... so my picture was very small... so when he was able to he was going to look at me on a bigger computer... I know I am missing so much of our conversation... I honestly can't even rememeber half of what was said... He told me he has 2 kids... and 18 year old son and a 14 year old daughter... I told him I was an only child and he told me that he was also... He said that there was more to my story than what I knew... He said he would love to fill in the blanks some time over coffee... But he assured me that he did not want to give me up and he thought about me all the time...
HOLY CRAP!! That answered my questions... at the point I was ok with Tarin not contacting me for a while.... I was going to work on building this then move on to her... Yeah I don't read comments on my blog cause no one ever leaves them.... So he and I have a great talk... he leaves me with his email and I assure him I am going to send him some pictures of me... and I asked him for some in return... I am dying to know what he looks like... So I emailed him some pictures of me and of Chris... cause all the ones I like are the ones you take of you and someone else at arm length...
So Chris get to the hotel, and Jon is there, and Marlinda and Kim... so we'te all in my office and I decide I am going to blog about my conversation with Jim... so I go online and pull up the blogger site... and I notice I have 2 comments on one of the blogs... I am not going to restate what was said... you need to go back to "I took a break..." and read it... but I will paraphrase... :) Basically it was my half sister (?!?!? don't really know what to call her) Danielle... she said that her mom was my mom... they are in AZ...(letter 1 Crazy huh) They got a call from her grandma who live with Patrick (letter 2) and she read the letter over the phone.. they are happy to hear from me and have been waiting a long time. The were going to call me tomorrow (the 7th) and tomorrow was Tarin's birthday... I started sobbing like a baby... I could barely get through the reading of it the first time! This was so crazy and is moving sooo fast! In less than 72 hours both Tarin and Jim had reached out and made contact with me.
This means they thought about me... The one question I had was answered in 72 hours!
So I was joking with Chris, Jon and Marlinda about why they hadn't called yet... and no joke I missed a call on my phone!!!!! I started looking everywhere for my damn phone... chris found it out in teh back office and ran over with it... There was a missed call from a 310 area code... I couldn't breathe... I thought I was going to pass out... could this be the call I was waiting for... holy shit... there was a voice mail coming through... oh crap what do I do... I dialed the voice mail... and there was some lame olde message from someone on there and I hoped that the old message wasn't the only one... it wasn't...
"Erin... I think your looking for me and uh... you found me. Call me 310-XXX-XXXX. This is Tarin... ok Bye"
Holy Jesus... now that message is amazing alone... but if I have ever personally left a message for you... you would understand that the message she left is more than just a message... it seriously was like I was leaving a message for my self....
I really wanted to call her back... but my head was way to spinny and I needed to think about things more... I hardly remember the call with Jim... I don't want to do that again... This time I am going to write down questions and have someone else with me... so I can remember things... I know I am going to be in shock and I know I am going to cry... and I know I am going to call her today... for sure... Chris gets off at 3:30 and will be down to San Diego by 5pm... so it will be after that... for sure....
Friday, August 7, 2009
Holy Hell...
This has been a mind blowing day.... My hands are shaking...
I got a phone call from my birthfather Jim... Blew me away... I cried for about an hour... I am so amazed by his personality... we are truly related... He gave me his email and I sent him some pictures of both Chris and I...
Then... I check my blog... and I get the message from Danielle... Blew my mind again...
Then I get a phone call from my birthmother... her message was exactly like the ones I leave... you guys know what I am talking about... the "hey its me ..." and then I leave the message... it's kinda freaky...
I wasn't expecting this all today... I thought I'd at least have the weekend to process this... I'm not complaining at all mind you... I'm just blown away... I am going to call her back... I just need to process this... When she called it was wonderful to have Chris and Marlinda in the room to hear her message. I am so blessed!!!
I got a phone call from my birthfather Jim... Blew me away... I cried for about an hour... I am so amazed by his personality... we are truly related... He gave me his email and I sent him some pictures of both Chris and I...
Then... I check my blog... and I get the message from Danielle... Blew my mind again...
Then I get a phone call from my birthmother... her message was exactly like the ones I leave... you guys know what I am talking about... the "hey its me ..." and then I leave the message... it's kinda freaky...
I wasn't expecting this all today... I thought I'd at least have the weekend to process this... I'm not complaining at all mind you... I'm just blown away... I am going to call her back... I just need to process this... When she called it was wonderful to have Chris and Marlinda in the room to hear her message. I am so blessed!!!
It was delievered...
Label/Receipt Number: 7008 3230 0002 1876 2067
Class: First-Class Mail®Service(s): Certified Mail™
Return ReceiptDelivered-->Status: DeliveredYour item was delivered at 12:03 PM on August 6, 2009 in RANCHO PALOS VERDES, CA 90275.
Detailed Results:
Delivered, August 06, 2009, 12:03 pm, RANCHO PALOS VERDES, CA 90275
Acceptance, August 05, 2009, 4:51 pm, PLACENTIA, CA 92871
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Holy Shit... It was delievered... at least to the one in CA... now I am going to wait for the green card with the information on it to come back to me... but looking at it... it should be here today or tomorrow... oh goodness...
I put my personal cell phone number on the letter... so now every time my phone rings I am wondering who it is! It's also been dying on me like every 5 minutes... I can't imagine missing that call... But i think they will talk it over this weekend and if anything happens it will be after this weekend... kinda gives me time to deal and gives them time to deal...
If you ever believed in prayer or good thoughts... please send them my way... I really need them... I'm kinda freaking out here!
Class: First-Class Mail®Service(s): Certified Mail™
Return ReceiptDelivered-->Status: DeliveredYour item was delivered at 12:03 PM on August 6, 2009 in RANCHO PALOS VERDES, CA 90275.
Detailed Results:
Delivered, August 06, 2009, 12:03 pm, RANCHO PALOS VERDES, CA 90275
Acceptance, August 05, 2009, 4:51 pm, PLACENTIA, CA 92871
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Holy Shit... It was delievered... at least to the one in CA... now I am going to wait for the green card with the information on it to come back to me... but looking at it... it should be here today or tomorrow... oh goodness...
I put my personal cell phone number on the letter... so now every time my phone rings I am wondering who it is! It's also been dying on me like every 5 minutes... I can't imagine missing that call... But i think they will talk it over this weekend and if anything happens it will be after this weekend... kinda gives me time to deal and gives them time to deal...
If you ever believed in prayer or good thoughts... please send them my way... I really need them... I'm kinda freaking out here!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Ok... I did it...
I mailed them... I totally had a breakdown with the lady at the post office... I was trying to explain why I wanted a return signature and why these were important and I almost lost my shit... I started to cry... how freaking embarassing! She was very nice tho and even wished me good luck after we mailed them. But if I can't even keep it together to mail the damn things... what I am going to do when and or if I get a reply?!!?!?!??!?!?
So it costed me $5.45 for each one... but I will get a small green postcard back when they have been recieved with a name and a signture on it of who recieved the letter... I put my work address... So now all I have to do is wait... Kinda... They gave me these 2 little slips with a website and a tracking number. I am trying not to track them... it's hard! The goverment really makes it easy to be a stalker these days! I can track the mail I send and see who recieves it... kinda creepy... So yeah.... back to the tracking... I am trying really hard not to...
We asked the lady at the counter yesterday how long before they reach the adressed location. She said the one in CA should be there today or Friday... and the one in AZ Friday or Saturday... I have to wonder if these people know what's coming... if they are thinking that something is about to happen to them. Or are they totally 100% clueless... Are they about to be hit by this and they have no clue it's coming...
Also I went through what's becoming normal for me when I go to bed thinking about this... I panic'd... What if they don't want me... what if she never told any one... Then what? I know I am loved and I know I am wanted... I have a great family and Chris is amazing and has been a true rock through this. He had no idea what he was signing up for when he started dating me. I'm sure if someone would have told him I would become an emotional wreck over this he may have run the other way! He constantly tells me I'm loved and wanted... I kinda need to hear that... And Marlinda my BFF... she's my rock at work.. when I start thinking about everything she's there for me to talk to and to help me figure all this out.
I'm not in control any more... I think that's what is scaring me most... for one of the first times in a long time... I am not in control of whats going to happen next in my life. I can't take back what was sent and I can't see the future... so now what... I guess I have to sit here and wait... Ok... I'm waiting....
So it costed me $5.45 for each one... but I will get a small green postcard back when they have been recieved with a name and a signture on it of who recieved the letter... I put my work address... So now all I have to do is wait... Kinda... They gave me these 2 little slips with a website and a tracking number. I am trying not to track them... it's hard! The goverment really makes it easy to be a stalker these days! I can track the mail I send and see who recieves it... kinda creepy... So yeah.... back to the tracking... I am trying really hard not to...
We asked the lady at the counter yesterday how long before they reach the adressed location. She said the one in CA should be there today or Friday... and the one in AZ Friday or Saturday... I have to wonder if these people know what's coming... if they are thinking that something is about to happen to them. Or are they totally 100% clueless... Are they about to be hit by this and they have no clue it's coming...
Also I went through what's becoming normal for me when I go to bed thinking about this... I panic'd... What if they don't want me... what if she never told any one... Then what? I know I am loved and I know I am wanted... I have a great family and Chris is amazing and has been a true rock through this. He had no idea what he was signing up for when he started dating me. I'm sure if someone would have told him I would become an emotional wreck over this he may have run the other way! He constantly tells me I'm loved and wanted... I kinda need to hear that... And Marlinda my BFF... she's my rock at work.. when I start thinking about everything she's there for me to talk to and to help me figure all this out.
I'm not in control any more... I think that's what is scaring me most... for one of the first times in a long time... I am not in control of whats going to happen next in my life. I can't take back what was sent and I can't see the future... so now what... I guess I have to sit here and wait... Ok... I'm waiting....
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Proof...
See I'm mailing the letters... I have them all stamped and addressed and ready to go.... Ack... I'm nervous.... Panic is starting...
I took a break...
Ok I took a break as not to bore everyone with everything... Plus I had some stuff to think about and I wanted to talk to some of my other family members... bottom line.. everyone is super supporative and thinks the letter I wrote is great!!
So today... I am going to mail the letters... I talked over the option of asking for some kinda of return reciept from the people I am mailing too... and the over all feedback on that idea was good... like Marlinda said.. you do that with important papers... so what is more important than finding her and the letter that could possible lead me to her?!?!?! So I now have to make it to the post office before it closes... thus I have to leave work early... and I do not want to do this alone so Chris is going to come with me and be my support.... I know I'll have alot of people there to support me in spirit too...
I am going to give them 30 days from the time the letter is recieved before I move forward and try something else... I think a month is enough time to process and to pass information along... Don't you? And why would you sit on this for a month with out passing it on... Unless as I am kinda fearing she didn't tell her new husband and her new family doesn't know. Ack!!! Scary thought huh! Well there is no way to find out other than to put myself out there so here I go... well I am actually going around 4:30... but you get the idea!
So today... I am going to mail the letters... I talked over the option of asking for some kinda of return reciept from the people I am mailing too... and the over all feedback on that idea was good... like Marlinda said.. you do that with important papers... so what is more important than finding her and the letter that could possible lead me to her?!?!?! So I now have to make it to the post office before it closes... thus I have to leave work early... and I do not want to do this alone so Chris is going to come with me and be my support.... I know I'll have alot of people there to support me in spirit too...
I am going to give them 30 days from the time the letter is recieved before I move forward and try something else... I think a month is enough time to process and to pass information along... Don't you? And why would you sit on this for a month with out passing it on... Unless as I am kinda fearing she didn't tell her new husband and her new family doesn't know. Ack!!! Scary thought huh! Well there is no way to find out other than to put myself out there so here I go... well I am actually going around 4:30... but you get the idea!
Saturday, July 25, 2009
I didn't mail the letter yet....
OK, don't be mad at me but I couldn't mail the letter yesterday. I felt that it was something that I didn't want to do with out talking to my dad first. I had been keeping my mom up to date on all this and totally had her support... but we both thought it would be right to talk to my dad first.
Of course he was supportive... like he would be anything but! We had a long talk about not knowing who I look like. He shared a story about his older brother who had a child and left the child when she was young and she never knew anything about her dad, my uncle. She used to call my dad and ask him questions about my uncle. Pretty much the same questions I have, who do I look like, medical history, quirks and so much more. He was so sympathetic to this and to what I am going through right now. My dad's father walked out on their family when he was 8 years old and they only saw each other once more when my dad was 14. My Aunt Cleo, whom I love to death, always wanted to know more about her father, But Aunt Cleo respected her mother and never looked for him while her mother was alive. Once she passed away Aunt Cleo started her search and found him, however he had passed away a few months before they were able to find him.
What if that happens to me? I think that would be an odd thing... I don't know how I would feel about that. I think I would be OK with is as long as someone in the family would agree to provide me with a medical history and a picture...
So remember I told you I am an MTV-a-holic? Well today they are having a "True Life" about 2 mothers who are putting their children up for adoption. And yes I am watching it. I am totally fascinated by watching the reverse of my situation. But this one is alot more different than the 16 and pregnant.... I'm not as emotional this time around. They really aren't connecting with me this time around. So I think I am going to be able to keep my emotions in check this time around! WooHoo! I can't usually do that on a normal day so if I can pull it off today... wow!
On another subject... today I am getting to meet some of Chris' work friends. Talk about nervewracking!!!! I think this trying to look for my self/my past is really funking with my confidence. If this were something for work I would so not be nervous... however trying to impress his co-workers is so stressfull! What if they don't like me? What if I am the only fat one there.... ?!?!?! STRESS!!! I have no idea what I am going to wear... but thankfully I still have 2 and a half hours to get ready... :)
Ok I am off to get in the shower and get ready to impress! Wish me luck...
Oh and tonight/tomorrow I get to fill my Aunt Janet in on this whole adoption thing... she's one of the people in my family who's always been supportive of me. So lets see how this goes!!!
I am mailing the letter Monday... no exceptions!!
Of course he was supportive... like he would be anything but! We had a long talk about not knowing who I look like. He shared a story about his older brother who had a child and left the child when she was young and she never knew anything about her dad, my uncle. She used to call my dad and ask him questions about my uncle. Pretty much the same questions I have, who do I look like, medical history, quirks and so much more. He was so sympathetic to this and to what I am going through right now. My dad's father walked out on their family when he was 8 years old and they only saw each other once more when my dad was 14. My Aunt Cleo, whom I love to death, always wanted to know more about her father, But Aunt Cleo respected her mother and never looked for him while her mother was alive. Once she passed away Aunt Cleo started her search and found him, however he had passed away a few months before they were able to find him.
What if that happens to me? I think that would be an odd thing... I don't know how I would feel about that. I think I would be OK with is as long as someone in the family would agree to provide me with a medical history and a picture...
So remember I told you I am an MTV-a-holic? Well today they are having a "True Life" about 2 mothers who are putting their children up for adoption. And yes I am watching it. I am totally fascinated by watching the reverse of my situation. But this one is alot more different than the 16 and pregnant.... I'm not as emotional this time around. They really aren't connecting with me this time around. So I think I am going to be able to keep my emotions in check this time around! WooHoo! I can't usually do that on a normal day so if I can pull it off today... wow!
On another subject... today I am getting to meet some of Chris' work friends. Talk about nervewracking!!!! I think this trying to look for my self/my past is really funking with my confidence. If this were something for work I would so not be nervous... however trying to impress his co-workers is so stressfull! What if they don't like me? What if I am the only fat one there.... ?!?!?! STRESS!!! I have no idea what I am going to wear... but thankfully I still have 2 and a half hours to get ready... :)
Ok I am off to get in the shower and get ready to impress! Wish me luck...
Oh and tonight/tomorrow I get to fill my Aunt Janet in on this whole adoption thing... she's one of the people in my family who's always been supportive of me. So lets see how this goes!!!
I am mailing the letter Monday... no exceptions!!
Friday, July 24, 2009
The Letter...
Dear Russell * *******,
Hello. I cannot believe that I am finally sending this letter, I am so nervous and would have hand written this but I think I would have shaken the pen too much.
I am writing this to you as I am looking to locate someone who put up a baby girl, born April 27, 1981, for adoption. I was born in Torrance, CA at the Little Company of Mary Hospital. I do have some information on my birthmother but nothing with a recent address as the records are from my time of birth in 1981. I am looking for my birthmother, Tarin Bridget Osborne. I have been doing some research and I have found that you may be her brother. I have also located a second brother, Patrick in **********. I am also going to send him a copy of this letter as well.
In the records I have she did state that she would like to be contacted by the child if they wish it, well I’m wishing! I am looking for nothing more than to find out who I look like, where I get my quirks and to see if there is any important medical history that I need to know. I want to let you know that I am an established young woman who is the General Manager of a 100 room Hotel in Southern California. I am currently living in a small apartment, no more than 3 miles from my parents in Southern California. I grew up in a very loving and supportive home with wonderful parents and a great extended family, but I have always wondered who I look like and where I get some of my quirks. My parents have always been more than supportive of me searching for her and are with me 100% on trying to find her. I truly believe that Tarin made the best choice possible for me and I would love the opportunity to thank her for blessing me with the gifts she did. I am not looking for money, housing or anything like that, just a conversation and perhaps a relationship with someone I consider one of my hero’s.
If you can please pass my information on to her I would be eternally grateful. I don’t know if anyone agreed with her decision or if this is something that no one wanted to talk about, but it’s something that has been with me every day of my life for the last 28 years so any help you can give me will go a very long way! If she does not wish any contact from me can you please also let me know so I don’t go through life wondering.
Thank you so much,
Erin Coggins
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I haven't mailed the letter yet... I'm nervous... what if they say nothing back to me... What if she wants nothing to do with me. I am so scared... If I didn't have the friends I have here supporting me and helping me through this I don't think I would make it!
I love you all.... Keep tuned for the next installment... after I mail the letter...
Thank you for being so patient! I swear no more long blogs...
Hello. I cannot believe that I am finally sending this letter, I am so nervous and would have hand written this but I think I would have shaken the pen too much.
I am writing this to you as I am looking to locate someone who put up a baby girl, born April 27, 1981, for adoption. I was born in Torrance, CA at the Little Company of Mary Hospital. I do have some information on my birthmother but nothing with a recent address as the records are from my time of birth in 1981. I am looking for my birthmother, Tarin Bridget Osborne. I have been doing some research and I have found that you may be her brother. I have also located a second brother, Patrick in **********. I am also going to send him a copy of this letter as well.
In the records I have she did state that she would like to be contacted by the child if they wish it, well I’m wishing! I am looking for nothing more than to find out who I look like, where I get my quirks and to see if there is any important medical history that I need to know. I want to let you know that I am an established young woman who is the General Manager of a 100 room Hotel in Southern California. I am currently living in a small apartment, no more than 3 miles from my parents in Southern California. I grew up in a very loving and supportive home with wonderful parents and a great extended family, but I have always wondered who I look like and where I get some of my quirks. My parents have always been more than supportive of me searching for her and are with me 100% on trying to find her. I truly believe that Tarin made the best choice possible for me and I would love the opportunity to thank her for blessing me with the gifts she did. I am not looking for money, housing or anything like that, just a conversation and perhaps a relationship with someone I consider one of my hero’s.
If you can please pass my information on to her I would be eternally grateful. I don’t know if anyone agreed with her decision or if this is something that no one wanted to talk about, but it’s something that has been with me every day of my life for the last 28 years so any help you can give me will go a very long way! If she does not wish any contact from me can you please also let me know so I don’t go through life wondering.
Thank you so much,
Erin Coggins
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I haven't mailed the letter yet... I'm nervous... what if they say nothing back to me... What if she wants nothing to do with me. I am so scared... If I didn't have the friends I have here supporting me and helping me through this I don't think I would make it!
I love you all.... Keep tuned for the next installment... after I mail the letter...
Thank you for being so patient! I swear no more long blogs...
The Emails...
My heart stops in my chest as I read this email from a stranger who in one day digs up more information than I ever put out on the Internet.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
From: RN4babies
To: Erin E. Coggins
ReplyTo: RN4babies
Subject: To Erin, from your profile on from Registry.Adoption.com
Sent: Jul 22, 2009 2:21 PM
I believe that if "Osborn" was your birth surname of your birth mother "Taren" - that this is likely you on the CA birth index under your birth name - it is listed twice - this is typical in adopted children:
last name/ first name/ middle name/ date of birth/ mother's maiden
name/ gender/ county
OSBORNE 04 27 1981 OSBORNE FEMALE LOS ANGELES SOLLENBARGER 04 27
1981 OSBORNE FEMALE LOS ANGELES
This would be "Taren" -
OSBORNE TARIN B 08 07 1962 SCHOENFE FEMALE LOS ANGELES
Tarin has 3 older brothers (2 of which are twins) and 1 younger sister.
Tarin was married at the age of 21 in 1984 in Los Angeles - and it looks like she has 2 daughters and one son.
Birth father (surname of SOLLENBARGER) looks like he may have 2 children born in CA - one male and one female - but not for sure??
Please email me - I can send you more info.
Kindest regards,
Michelle
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Wow... I sat in my office in shock... who was this woman... how did she find that all?!?!!? So I wrote back to her....
Hello,
I don't know who you are but you are dead on with some of the information I didn't place on the internet. Do you have any more current information on her?
Thank you so much,
Erin
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
About an hour later I get an long reply from her...
-----Original Message-----
From: rn4babies
Sent: Wednesday, July 22, 2009 9:19 PM
To: erin
Subject: Re: To Erin, from your profile on from Registry.Adoption.com
Erin -
I help others with finding adoption information - I guess I'm a sort of search angel. You're very fortunate you had birth mother's name to work with! Here's some more of what I found.
California Marriage Index, 1960-1985
about David B Long
Name: David B Long
Age: 22
Est. Birth: abt 1962
Spouse Name: Tarin B Osborne
Spouse Age: 21
Est. Spouse Birth: abt 1963
Date: 20 May 1984
Location: Los Angeles
OSBORNE RUSSELL S 01 21 1958 SCHOENFE MALE LOS ANGELES
OSBORNE JEFFREY C 11 13 1959 SCHOENFE MALE LOS ANGELES
OSBORNE PATRICK M 11 13 1959 SCHOENFE MALE LOS ANGELES
OSBORNE TARIN B 08 07 1962 SCHOENFE FEMALE LOS ANGELES
OSBORNE SUSAN L 12 11 1965 SCHOENFE FEMALE LOS ANGELES
People Search: TARIN born 08/07/1962<< Search Again 2 Matches Found (100 max.) Name/AKAs Phone Address City, State Possible Relatives
1. OSBORNE, TARIN B (Age 46)
Associated names:
LONG, TARIN B
LONG, TARIN O
LONG, TARREN O
OSBORNELONG, T
Available(6) Available
TORRANCE, CA
RANCHO PALOS VERDES, CA
HARBOR CITY, CA
SAN PEDRO, CA
LONG BEACH, CA
SANTA MONICA, CA
Possible Relatives:
OSBORNE, DONNA M (Age 73)
AOSBORNE, JACKIE L (Age 52)
OSBORNE, RUSSELL S (Age 51)
LONG, KENNETH O (Age 85)
LONG, DAVID BRODLEY (Age 48)
LONG, DONNA D
LONG, LORAINE V
OSBORNE, PATRICK MICHAEL (Age 49)
RELONG, DANIELLECHELSEA
Possible Roommates / Associates:
RODRIGUEZ, DAVID J (Age 66)
BISIGNANO, LOUISCHARLES (Age 64)
2. OSBORNE-LONG, TARIN (Age 46)
Available RANCHO PALOS VERDES, CA
Possible Relatives:
OSBORNE, TARIN B (Age 46)
I'm not sure which of these children are hers (if any)
LONG AMBER LAURINE 06 24 1983 OSBORNE FEMALE SAN BERNARDINO
LONG DARIN BRADLEY 07 03 1985 OSBORNE MALE LOS ANGELES
LONG DANIELLE MARIE 03 12 1987 OSBORNE FEMALE LOS ANGELES
LONG CHELSEA SAMANTHA 09 23 1988 OSBORNE FEMALE LOS ANGELES
There are only EVER 3 people born in California with this surname - not sure if they're the same father - but it's a possibility.
SOLLENBARGER 04 27 1981 OSBORNE FEMALE LOS ANGELES
SOLLENBARGER 08 24 1990 MALE LOS ANGELES
SOLLENBARGER 08 17 1995 FEMALE LOS ANGELES
I can find some more info in the a.m.
Kindest regards,
Michelle
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
How does this woman know so much?!?!? I am so blessed that this woman reached out and is helping me. There is no way I could do this on my own.
I've been sharing this with my family as the days go by... well really it's only been 3 days... but still. I can not believe I am one step closer to knowing who I look like.
Ahhh I remembered I forgot to tell you why it was a secret of sorts... If you have ever seen my family... my mommy and daddy and I all together there is no way you would be able to tell that I am adopted. I am the prefect blend of my mother and father. I have my fathers eye color, his built, I have my mom's hair color. They both have thick hair just like me. I am pale like my mother when she's not using the self tanner. I am a perfect blend of both of them. When I was younger no one would believe that I was adopted. My parents would have to back me up on it, I will try and post a picture of all of us so you can see what I am talking about.
Thursday the 23rd...
I get another email... This one I am not going to post simply because it has phone numbers and addresses. But can you believe it! Addresses!!! Phone Numbers!! I almost passed out, I didn't know what to do with all this information!!!! I finally calmed down... I have addresses for Tarin's older brother Russell and for Patrick, her Mother-In-Law and her son. I only have phone numbers for the last 2 and somehow I don't think I want to call them. What if she didn't tell them anything, what if they have no idea I exist and I am out here. If she did not tell them, then it is not my place to do so for her. I decide I am going to write a letter to my Uncles (I really don't know what they are...) I am going to post the letter because I think it is an important letter.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
From: RN4babies
To: Erin E. Coggins
ReplyTo: RN4babies
Subject: To Erin, from your profile on from Registry.Adoption.com
Sent: Jul 22, 2009 2:21 PM
I believe that if "Osborn" was your birth surname of your birth mother "Taren" - that this is likely you on the CA birth index under your birth name - it is listed twice - this is typical in adopted children:
last name/ first name/ middle name/ date of birth/ mother's maiden
name/ gender/ county
OSBORNE 04 27 1981 OSBORNE FEMALE LOS ANGELES SOLLENBARGER 04 27
1981 OSBORNE FEMALE LOS ANGELES
This would be "Taren" -
OSBORNE TARIN B 08 07 1962 SCHOENFE FEMALE LOS ANGELES
Tarin has 3 older brothers (2 of which are twins) and 1 younger sister.
Tarin was married at the age of 21 in 1984 in Los Angeles - and it looks like she has 2 daughters and one son.
Birth father (surname of SOLLENBARGER) looks like he may have 2 children born in CA - one male and one female - but not for sure??
Please email me - I can send you more info.
Kindest regards,
Michelle
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Wow... I sat in my office in shock... who was this woman... how did she find that all?!?!!? So I wrote back to her....
Hello,
I don't know who you are but you are dead on with some of the information I didn't place on the internet. Do you have any more current information on her?
Thank you so much,
Erin
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
About an hour later I get an long reply from her...
-----Original Message-----
From: rn4babies
Sent: Wednesday, July 22, 2009 9:19 PM
To: erin
Subject: Re: To Erin, from your profile on from Registry.Adoption.com
Erin -
I help others with finding adoption information - I guess I'm a sort of search angel. You're very fortunate you had birth mother's name to work with! Here's some more of what I found.
California Marriage Index, 1960-1985
about David B Long
Name: David B Long
Age: 22
Est. Birth: abt 1962
Spouse Name: Tarin B Osborne
Spouse Age: 21
Est. Spouse Birth: abt 1963
Date: 20 May 1984
Location: Los Angeles
OSBORNE RUSSELL S 01 21 1958 SCHOENFE MALE LOS ANGELES
OSBORNE JEFFREY C 11 13 1959 SCHOENFE MALE LOS ANGELES
OSBORNE PATRICK M 11 13 1959 SCHOENFE MALE LOS ANGELES
OSBORNE TARIN B 08 07 1962 SCHOENFE FEMALE LOS ANGELES
OSBORNE SUSAN L 12 11 1965 SCHOENFE FEMALE LOS ANGELES
People Search: TARIN born 08/07/1962<< Search Again 2 Matches Found (100 max.) Name/AKAs Phone Address City, State Possible Relatives
1. OSBORNE, TARIN B (Age 46)
Associated names:
LONG, TARIN B
LONG, TARIN O
LONG, TARREN O
OSBORNELONG, T
Available(6) Available
TORRANCE, CA
RANCHO PALOS VERDES, CA
HARBOR CITY, CA
SAN PEDRO, CA
LONG BEACH, CA
SANTA MONICA, CA
Possible Relatives:
OSBORNE, DONNA M (Age 73)
AOSBORNE, JACKIE L (Age 52)
OSBORNE, RUSSELL S (Age 51)
LONG, KENNETH O (Age 85)
LONG, DAVID BRODLEY (Age 48)
LONG, DONNA D
LONG, LORAINE V
OSBORNE, PATRICK MICHAEL (Age 49)
RELONG, DANIELLECHELSEA
Possible Roommates / Associates:
RODRIGUEZ, DAVID J (Age 66)
BISIGNANO, LOUISCHARLES (Age 64)
2. OSBORNE-LONG, TARIN (Age 46)
Available RANCHO PALOS VERDES, CA
Possible Relatives:
OSBORNE, TARIN B (Age 46)
I'm not sure which of these children are hers (if any)
LONG AMBER LAURINE 06 24 1983 OSBORNE FEMALE SAN BERNARDINO
LONG DARIN BRADLEY 07 03 1985 OSBORNE MALE LOS ANGELES
LONG DANIELLE MARIE 03 12 1987 OSBORNE FEMALE LOS ANGELES
LONG CHELSEA SAMANTHA 09 23 1988 OSBORNE FEMALE LOS ANGELES
There are only EVER 3 people born in California with this surname - not sure if they're the same father - but it's a possibility.
SOLLENBARGER 04 27 1981 OSBORNE FEMALE LOS ANGELES
SOLLENBARGER 08 24 1990 MALE LOS ANGELES
SOLLENBARGER 08 17 1995 FEMALE LOS ANGELES
I can find some more info in the a.m.
Kindest regards,
Michelle
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
How does this woman know so much?!?!? I am so blessed that this woman reached out and is helping me. There is no way I could do this on my own.
I've been sharing this with my family as the days go by... well really it's only been 3 days... but still. I can not believe I am one step closer to knowing who I look like.
Ahhh I remembered I forgot to tell you why it was a secret of sorts... If you have ever seen my family... my mommy and daddy and I all together there is no way you would be able to tell that I am adopted. I am the prefect blend of my mother and father. I have my fathers eye color, his built, I have my mom's hair color. They both have thick hair just like me. I am pale like my mother when she's not using the self tanner. I am a perfect blend of both of them. When I was younger no one would believe that I was adopted. My parents would have to back me up on it, I will try and post a picture of all of us so you can see what I am talking about.
Thursday the 23rd...
I get another email... This one I am not going to post simply because it has phone numbers and addresses. But can you believe it! Addresses!!! Phone Numbers!! I almost passed out, I didn't know what to do with all this information!!!! I finally calmed down... I have addresses for Tarin's older brother Russell and for Patrick, her Mother-In-Law and her son. I only have phone numbers for the last 2 and somehow I don't think I want to call them. What if she didn't tell them anything, what if they have no idea I exist and I am out here. If she did not tell them, then it is not my place to do so for her. I decide I am going to write a letter to my Uncles (I really don't know what they are...) I am going to post the letter because I think it is an important letter.
The start...
Finding Myself...
Are you wondering what that means? I'll let you in on a little secret... I'm adopted.
Let me tell you a bit about my family and maybe you'll get why this is a secret of sorts. My wonderful mother, Mommy, married my wonderful father, Daddy, in the late 70's. They had both been married before. Mommy was married to an artist, Don. Don claimed he was going to make it big one day. I think the only thing big about him was his Farrah Hair-Do, his Tom Selleck bushy moustache and his nose. Seriously in their wedding pictures, which are sooo rare, he looks like he's going to fly away... I am going to see if I can find one! So after a few years she finally got wise and realized he was never going to change and never going to do anything so they got divorced... meanwhile on the other side of LA... Daddy was married to his high school sweetheart, Connie. I think I should mention that they graduated in 1954, so by the late 70's it had been a long while. They had 4 kids between them. A boy, A girl, and then 2 more boys. Connie has always been a part of our lives, they were lucky as they weren't and still aren't always trying to kill each other with looks at family functions. Actually they all get along!
After Mommy's divorce and she a few of her closest friends went down to Mexico to relax. While there she met this tall, dark and Hispanic man who was trying to sell her a blanket. She politely refused many times however she finally bought the blanket. And that is how they met, we still have the blanket. They dated for only a few months and married shortly after in Rosarito Beach, Mexico. They honeymooned in Hawaii... they have the cutest pictures of them, they were so young... well at least my mom was. ;) Neither of my parents look anything like their ages, which is funny at times.
When they returned home they tried for a baby, only to find out that my mother could not have children. My mother was crushed, she always knew that she was going to be a wonderful mother and would love a child with all her heart.
My Aunt D worked as a hairstylist in the OC and knew about my parents struggle. In talk with her client one day she learned that her clients niece was pregnant and was looking to place her child up for adoption. The story goes that Tarin (that's my birth mother's name) was working at a Ski resort in Lake Tahoe and she met Will (that's my birth father's name). They fell in love and conceived me! :) Well once they came back to reality they both realized that they didn't want to get married simply because they had a child. Which makes sense... think about all those people out there who get married because they have a child and how it can turn out. So Tarin decided it was best to give the child up for adoption.
Well my Aunt D contacted my parents and let them know of Tarin and her situation. After months of letters between the adoption lawyer, agencies, and letters of recommendation from all their friends they were finally approved. :) WooHoo!!!
So skip forward a few months.... I don't really know what happened cause I was still kinda in her tummy....
My mom got a call that I was about to be born. She had come up with this silly code with my dad that who ever found out first would call the other one and say either "Erin is doing fine" or "Kyle is doing fine". They still didn't know which plumbing I was going to have. ;) So my mom is trying her best to concentrate on work and the task at hand when she gets THE call... "Erin is doing fine" my father told her. She was elated and rushed out of there and to the Hospital to see me.
They got to hold me a short while after I was born. My mom said it was love at first sight. :)
There were complications with finalizing my adoption. My birth father didn't want to give me up, he held on to the hope that they would get back together eventually and would want me. So his father wanted to take me away to Hawaii and raise me until they got back together and wanted me again... My parents finalized the adoption and I was theirs!
Jump forward about 10 years...
We're living in Memphis and my best friends at the time were our neighbors that lives across the street Kristen and Colleen. Somehow Kristen had over heard our parents talking about my adoption and was trying to make me mad by telling me that I was not their daughter and so on. You know how mean kids can be... So I went inside and asked my mommy what it all meant. She made me wait til my father got home to talk about it. Just so you know I am not a patient kid... it killed me. But when he got home they explained it all to me and told me when the day came they would be there for me and they would help me find her.
Jump forward 8 more years...
On my eighteenth birthday they gave me this huge binder that had everything about my adoption in it. All the paperwork Tarin and Will had filled out. All the letters my parents friends wrote about what good parents they would make and about how I was going to go to a loving home. It was one of the best things I've ever gotten.
Jump forward another 10 years...
I am a part of the MTV generation... anything they put on I'll try and watch. So I got hooked on their new show 16 and Pregnant. I watched every week and loved seeing what it was like to be a mother. Chris (my boyfriend and love of my life) and I would watch it and wonder how it was going to be for us. Finally they started showing previews for the finale... Where a 16 year old mother gives up her baby girl for adoption. Kinda almost hits too close to home. My mother was 18 just so you know. ;) So we record the show and it sits in our DVR for about 2 weeks...
Finally I decide I can do this I am going to watch it. So we take our usual places on the couch and flip it on. I make it through a few minutes until the adoption agent asks if the mother would like a "hello goodbye" moment. I break down and start sobbing. It hits me all at once... the questions come flying in... "Did my mother have one of those... if not why?.... Does she think about me?.... Is my birthday a special day for her?.... does she still love me?.... would she be proud of me today?" Poor Chris... he's sitting there holding me as a I cry like a baby. Guys are not trained in this kinda stuff... but I'll give him lots of points.
Monday the 20th was kinda a low day for me. After watching the episode it really makes me think about things and the answers that I want. All day I pondered the same questions, near the end of the work day I get into a discussion with Marlinda (my BFF), Kim (an Employee) and Chris about it. It was interesting to hear how the episode was viewed from the other side. The question was brought up about how would I feel if Tarin got pregnant the next year and kept the baby. Would I be mad? And the answer was no. I know that what she did for me was what she thought was right and i love how my life has turned out. I was raised by the most loving family and I have the best friends around me. I love my friends but they don't understand.
So Tuesday the 21st, I decide to do something about this nagging I've been feeling. So I Google Adoption. There are so many results! I click on Adoption.com... interesting website. It tells me that the fastest way to get things started is post that I am looking for her on their free website. So I do. I don't post anything to personal, I know alot about her family but I don't know how this will help. So I post my birthday, the city I was born in, Her full name and that's it.
Wednesday the 22nd... I get some junk mail about "helping me look for only $300"... not interested in that. I go about my work day not thinking about it. I am looking at my emails on my Blueberry at about 9pm and notice an email from an address I don't know. RN4Babies... so I open it....
Are you wondering what that means? I'll let you in on a little secret... I'm adopted.
Let me tell you a bit about my family and maybe you'll get why this is a secret of sorts. My wonderful mother, Mommy, married my wonderful father, Daddy, in the late 70's. They had both been married before. Mommy was married to an artist, Don. Don claimed he was going to make it big one day. I think the only thing big about him was his Farrah Hair-Do, his Tom Selleck bushy moustache and his nose. Seriously in their wedding pictures, which are sooo rare, he looks like he's going to fly away... I am going to see if I can find one! So after a few years she finally got wise and realized he was never going to change and never going to do anything so they got divorced... meanwhile on the other side of LA... Daddy was married to his high school sweetheart, Connie. I think I should mention that they graduated in 1954, so by the late 70's it had been a long while. They had 4 kids between them. A boy, A girl, and then 2 more boys. Connie has always been a part of our lives, they were lucky as they weren't and still aren't always trying to kill each other with looks at family functions. Actually they all get along!
After Mommy's divorce and she a few of her closest friends went down to Mexico to relax. While there she met this tall, dark and Hispanic man who was trying to sell her a blanket. She politely refused many times however she finally bought the blanket. And that is how they met, we still have the blanket. They dated for only a few months and married shortly after in Rosarito Beach, Mexico. They honeymooned in Hawaii... they have the cutest pictures of them, they were so young... well at least my mom was. ;) Neither of my parents look anything like their ages, which is funny at times.
When they returned home they tried for a baby, only to find out that my mother could not have children. My mother was crushed, she always knew that she was going to be a wonderful mother and would love a child with all her heart.
My Aunt D worked as a hairstylist in the OC and knew about my parents struggle. In talk with her client one day she learned that her clients niece was pregnant and was looking to place her child up for adoption. The story goes that Tarin (that's my birth mother's name) was working at a Ski resort in Lake Tahoe and she met Will (that's my birth father's name). They fell in love and conceived me! :) Well once they came back to reality they both realized that they didn't want to get married simply because they had a child. Which makes sense... think about all those people out there who get married because they have a child and how it can turn out. So Tarin decided it was best to give the child up for adoption.
Well my Aunt D contacted my parents and let them know of Tarin and her situation. After months of letters between the adoption lawyer, agencies, and letters of recommendation from all their friends they were finally approved. :) WooHoo!!!
So skip forward a few months.... I don't really know what happened cause I was still kinda in her tummy....
My mom got a call that I was about to be born. She had come up with this silly code with my dad that who ever found out first would call the other one and say either "Erin is doing fine" or "Kyle is doing fine". They still didn't know which plumbing I was going to have. ;) So my mom is trying her best to concentrate on work and the task at hand when she gets THE call... "Erin is doing fine" my father told her. She was elated and rushed out of there and to the Hospital to see me.
They got to hold me a short while after I was born. My mom said it was love at first sight. :)
There were complications with finalizing my adoption. My birth father didn't want to give me up, he held on to the hope that they would get back together eventually and would want me. So his father wanted to take me away to Hawaii and raise me until they got back together and wanted me again... My parents finalized the adoption and I was theirs!
Jump forward about 10 years...
We're living in Memphis and my best friends at the time were our neighbors that lives across the street Kristen and Colleen. Somehow Kristen had over heard our parents talking about my adoption and was trying to make me mad by telling me that I was not their daughter and so on. You know how mean kids can be... So I went inside and asked my mommy what it all meant. She made me wait til my father got home to talk about it. Just so you know I am not a patient kid... it killed me. But when he got home they explained it all to me and told me when the day came they would be there for me and they would help me find her.
Jump forward 8 more years...
On my eighteenth birthday they gave me this huge binder that had everything about my adoption in it. All the paperwork Tarin and Will had filled out. All the letters my parents friends wrote about what good parents they would make and about how I was going to go to a loving home. It was one of the best things I've ever gotten.
Jump forward another 10 years...
I am a part of the MTV generation... anything they put on I'll try and watch. So I got hooked on their new show 16 and Pregnant. I watched every week and loved seeing what it was like to be a mother. Chris (my boyfriend and love of my life) and I would watch it and wonder how it was going to be for us. Finally they started showing previews for the finale... Where a 16 year old mother gives up her baby girl for adoption. Kinda almost hits too close to home. My mother was 18 just so you know. ;) So we record the show and it sits in our DVR for about 2 weeks...
Finally I decide I can do this I am going to watch it. So we take our usual places on the couch and flip it on. I make it through a few minutes until the adoption agent asks if the mother would like a "hello goodbye" moment. I break down and start sobbing. It hits me all at once... the questions come flying in... "Did my mother have one of those... if not why?.... Does she think about me?.... Is my birthday a special day for her?.... does she still love me?.... would she be proud of me today?" Poor Chris... he's sitting there holding me as a I cry like a baby. Guys are not trained in this kinda stuff... but I'll give him lots of points.
Monday the 20th was kinda a low day for me. After watching the episode it really makes me think about things and the answers that I want. All day I pondered the same questions, near the end of the work day I get into a discussion with Marlinda (my BFF), Kim (an Employee) and Chris about it. It was interesting to hear how the episode was viewed from the other side. The question was brought up about how would I feel if Tarin got pregnant the next year and kept the baby. Would I be mad? And the answer was no. I know that what she did for me was what she thought was right and i love how my life has turned out. I was raised by the most loving family and I have the best friends around me. I love my friends but they don't understand.
So Tuesday the 21st, I decide to do something about this nagging I've been feeling. So I Google Adoption. There are so many results! I click on Adoption.com... interesting website. It tells me that the fastest way to get things started is post that I am looking for her on their free website. So I do. I don't post anything to personal, I know alot about her family but I don't know how this will help. So I post my birthday, the city I was born in, Her full name and that's it.
Wednesday the 22nd... I get some junk mail about "helping me look for only $300"... not interested in that. I go about my work day not thinking about it. I am looking at my emails on my Blueberry at about 9pm and notice an email from an address I don't know. RN4Babies... so I open it....
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