Are you Sitting Down?

Ok... So I took some time to process yesterday because I needed to wrap my head around everything... I can not even believe how quickly this has all happened!

I am hoping you read the blog before last... when I said that the letter arrived to Patrick in CA.... Well.... I was thinking I wasn't going to get that little green card back until Saturday... I called my mom right after I found out they were delievered adn we both prepared ourselves for a long waiting period... were we ever wrong... So mom and I hang up and I start doing my reports for Sandy when the mail shows up... guess whats on top of the mail stack... the little green card!!! Talk about shock... So I turned the card over and I stared at that signture for at least 20 minutes... it was a connection to them... So I did what any 28 year old girl falling apart about her adoption would do...I called my mom... I love my mom because she is just as emotional as I am and it's a good place to start when your feeling off and like your head is spinning...

So Mom and I hang up... after again agreeing that they would take the weekend to process all this information before we ever expected or thought we would hear anything... So I go about work... setting up for the Front Desk Meeting and so on... So during the meeting I am the one who has to watch the Front Desk... I'm up there and I am selling Disney Tickets to a very nice older lady and the phone rings...

"Stay Smart at the Holiday Inn Express. How may I help you?" Now you have to understand I don't say my name when I answer the phone because I don't want to be on the phone for 20 minutes talking about what some guys can sell me...

"May I speak to Erin Coggins?" A man asks...

"This is she, How can I help you?" I reply...

"Are you sitting down?"

I politely laughed... "No I'm not... but how can I help you...." I am thinking this is some sales guys telling me to sit down cause he has the deal of the centiry for me! I was so wrong...

"I think you should be sitting down...."

"ok... How can I help you..."

"I think you've been looking for me... you have me as Will... but Will is my middle name, I go be Jim... Jim Sollenbarger..." At this point I can't breathe anymore... I don't know what to do... This is my birthfather... the last person I ever expected to hear from. I didn't have any informaiton on him and I had sent nothing out about him. I was going to take it one parent at a time... I don't think thats the plan the universe had for me!!!

"Oh... can you hold please..." I turned to the poor lady at the front desk.. by this time I was loosing it! I started crying and my hands were shaking... "someone will be right with you... i'm sorry...." I walked into the back office and was shaking.." Ma...Ma...rlinda... the...re...re's someo...ne...ne at the d...d...d....esk... I got a ph...ph...ph...one call...yo...yo...your o...o...fice please..." I am having a breakdown... in my back office with all the front desk staff... and a guest at the desk... so not like me! Yeah right!

"Thank you for holding...."

"You didn't know what to do with me did you..."

"No... I'm kinda in shock..."

He goes on to tell me that he heard from a mutual friend of Tarin's that I am looking for her and he found me. He lives in Long Beach and works in Huntington Beach... I take after his side of the family cause they are not tall and skinny... it's good to be able to say I am fat because of genetics... :) He was calling me from a job site and was looking at my blog on his Blackberry... so my picture was very small... so when he was able to he was going to look at me on a bigger computer... I know I am missing so much of our conversation... I honestly can't even rememeber half of what was said... He told me he has 2 kids... and 18 year old son and a 14 year old daughter... I told him I was an only child and he told me that he was also... He said that there was more to my story than what I knew... He said he would love to fill in the blanks some time over coffee... But he assured me that he did not want to give me up and he thought about me all the time...

HOLY CRAP!! That answered my questions... at the point I was ok with Tarin not contacting me for a while.... I was going to work on building this then move on to her... Yeah I don't read comments on my blog cause no one ever leaves them.... So he and I have a great talk... he leaves me with his email and I assure him I am going to send him some pictures of me... and I asked him for some in return... I am dying to know what he looks like... So I emailed him some pictures of me and of Chris... cause all the ones I like are the ones you take of you and someone else at arm length...

So Chris get to the hotel, and Jon is there, and Marlinda and Kim... so we'te all in my office and I decide I am going to blog about my conversation with Jim... so I go online and pull up the blogger site... and I notice I have 2 comments on one of the blogs... I am not going to restate what was said... you need to go back to "I took a break..." and read it... but I will paraphrase... :) Basically it was my half sister (?!?!? don't really know what to call her) Danielle... she said that her mom was my mom... they are in AZ...(letter 1 Crazy huh) They got a call from her grandma who live with Patrick (letter 2) and she read the letter over the phone.. they are happy to hear from me and have been waiting a long time. The were going to call me tomorrow (the 7th) and tomorrow was Tarin's birthday... I started sobbing like a baby... I could barely get through the reading of it the first time! This was so crazy and is moving sooo fast! In less than 72 hours both Tarin and Jim had reached out and made contact with me.

This means they thought about me... The one question I had was answered in 72 hours!

So I was joking with Chris, Jon and Marlinda about why they hadn't called yet... and no joke I missed a call on my phone!!!!! I started looking everywhere for my damn phone... chris found it out in teh back office and ran over with it... There was a missed call from a 310 area code... I couldn't breathe... I thought I was going to pass out... could this be the call I was waiting for... holy shit... there was a voice mail coming through... oh crap what do I do... I dialed the voice mail... and there was some lame olde message from someone on there and I hoped that the old message wasn't the only one... it wasn't...

"Erin... I think your looking for me and uh... you found me. Call me 310-XXX-XXXX. This is Tarin... ok Bye"

Holy Jesus... now that message is amazing alone... but if I have ever personally left a message for you... you would understand that the message she left is more than just a message... it seriously was like I was leaving a message for my self....

I really wanted to call her back... but my head was way to spinny and I needed to think about things more... I hardly remember the call with Jim... I don't want to do that again... This time I am going to write down questions and have someone else with me... so I can remember things... I know I am going to be in shock and I know I am going to cry... and I know I am going to call her today... for sure... Chris gets off at 3:30 and will be down to San Diego by 5pm... so it will be after that... for sure....