Ok... I did it...

I mailed them... I totally had a breakdown with the lady at the post office... I was trying to explain why I wanted a return signature and why these were important and I almost lost my shit... I started to cry... how freaking embarassing! She was very nice tho and even wished me good luck after we mailed them. But if I can't even keep it together to mail the damn things... what I am going to do when and or if I get a reply?!!?!?!??!?!?

So it costed me $5.45 for each one... but I will get a small green postcard back when they have been recieved with a name and a signture on it of who recieved the letter... I put my work address... So now all I have to do is wait... Kinda... They gave me these 2 little slips with a website and a tracking number. I am trying not to track them... it's hard! The goverment really makes it easy to be a stalker these days! I can track the mail I send and see who recieves it... kinda creepy... So yeah.... back to the tracking... I am trying really hard not to...

We asked the lady at the counter yesterday how long before they reach the adressed location. She said the one in CA should be there today or Friday... and the one in AZ Friday or Saturday... I have to wonder if these people know what's coming... if they are thinking that something is about to happen to them. Or are they totally 100% clueless... Are they about to be hit by this and they have no clue it's coming...

Also I went through what's becoming normal for me when I go to bed thinking about this... I panic'd... What if they don't want me... what if she never told any one... Then what? I know I am loved and I know I am wanted... I have a great family and Chris is amazing and has been a true rock through this. He had no idea what he was signing up for when he started dating me. I'm sure if someone would have told him I would become an emotional wreck over this he may have run the other way! He constantly tells me I'm loved and wanted... I kinda need to hear that... And Marlinda my BFF... she's my rock at work.. when I start thinking about everything she's there for me to talk to and to help me figure all this out.

I'm not in control any more... I think that's what is scaring me most... for one of the first times in a long time... I am not in control of whats going to happen next in my life. I can't take back what was sent and I can't see the future... so now what... I guess I have to sit here and wait... Ok... I'm waiting....